Dear Amy: My wife and I are professional entertainers, which means that at least one of us is usually working on the weekends.
Recently, both of us had a Friday night off. My wife likes it when I “ask her out” by Wednesday for a weekend “date night,” so we made plans for a movie and dinner.
On Thursday, a friend e-mailed her and asked her to join two other girlfriends to a “martini party” at one of their homes.
My wife, a recovering alcoholic for 20 years, got mad when I insisted that she keep our date.
She claims that she doesn’t get to see her friends much socially and that I am being too controlling.
Am I off base with my expectations?
– Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Your wife wants you to “ask her out” by Wednesday for a weekend date, and you’re the controlling one? I don’t think so.
All the same, you didn’t handle this very well.
If you had been clearer about your own feelings, your wife might have been more understanding.
You should have used a little “honey.”
“Oh, honey, don’t you think that the right thing to do is to stick with our ‘date night’ this week? You can make plans with your friends for another time.” Sometimes guilt works better than putting your foot down. And next time, she should ask you out.
…
Dear Amy: How do I get my co-workers to stop incessantly talking about their kids? I am in my early 30s and single, and most of my co-workers are new moms.
I really don’t care how many steps Timmy has taken today or that Claire has finally moved on to eating solid food.
How can I politely let them know that I’m not interested without offending them?
– Meg in Seattle
Dear Meg: You can’t control the topics that other people choose to bring up and discuss, whether it’s sports, kids, cholesterol or their kitchen upgrades.
Young parents do tend to talk about their kids ad nauseam, but wise parents also eventually figure out how to selectively choose their audience.
…
Dear Amy: My 11-year-old son has a good friend, “Teddy,” who has no manners.
If I ask Ted if he’d like something to drink, he just shrugs his shoulders.
I normally say, “Ted, is that a ‘Yes, please’ or a ‘No thank you’?” If I give him something, he never says thank you.
When he leaves our house, he never says, “Goodbye” and/or “Thank you for dinner.” Am I expecting too much from an 11-year-old?
Is it my place to help Ted with his manners when he is with us?
– Frustrated Mom
Dear Mom: These are “teachable moments” for a boy who might not know what to do.
You can help by being a good-natured presence during his visits. Express yourself in a playful way: i.e., “I think I remember that you’re a whiskey man, Ted, but today we just have juice, milk and soda. What will it be?” (If you ask an open-ended, rather than a yes-or-no question, he’ll have to figure out how to answer.)
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
