Dear Amy: I’ve been happily married for 13 years. My husband and I have a beautiful daughter.
One thing that bothers me in our marriage is my husband’s need for pornography. He watches porn on TV and on the Internet.
I’ve confronted him about it a few times, but he pretty much tells me that it has nothing to do with me.
I’m hurt that he does this, and it makes me feel self-conscious.
I don’t like to be compared to the silicone-enhanced liposuctioned bimbos. It makes me wonder about what else he might be doing behind my back.
I think that I’m a smart, strong, beautiful woman.
Am I not good enough? I try to understand that men are visual beings, and I think that most men think that looking at pornography is normal.
Is viewing pornography cheating?
– Wondering
Dear Wondering: Whether pornography is actually “cheating” is beside the point.
What matters is that your husband is choosing to do something that, according to you, is hurtful. I would also think that as the father of a young daughter, your husband wouldn’t want to engage in activities that are demeaning to women and girls. If he can’t make the connection between his own daughter’s life and how pornography depicts and exploits females, then he’s either not trying very hard, not very bright or hooked on something that has become more important than the people in his life.
A thoughtful husband and father should not be engaging in this sort of exploitation. I hope that the two of you can work this out. If you need to sort through your feelings about this, talking to a professional counselor will help.
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