Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 23 years.
“Steve” is a wonderful man, but he has a blind spot. He seems to think that the only reason to have a career is for the money, and the more money the better.
Our son is a talented jazz musician, but my husband has refused to let him take music courses in college, let alone major in music, because he says “Alex” can’t possibly make any money as a musician.
It’s gotten to the point where he won’t even attend Alex’s band’s concerts. My son is a finance major and is on antidepressants.
Last year I was feeling burned out in my own job, so I started looking into a career change.
Steve said there was no sense spending money to upgrade my skills when I was making perfectly good money where I was, even though he knew I was unhappy.
In the past three years, this man has bought a boat, a motorcycle and an expensive set of golf clubs because he says life is too short not to buy what you want.
Well, I say life is too short not to be what you want.
What do you think?
– A in Indiana
Dear A: My view is that life is too short to spend it acquiring stuff when you could spend it acquiring experiences.
Sure, we all love toys, and we all need to think of our own solvency when planning a career, but to deny your son the opportunity to pursue his true passion in favor of a degree in finance is to deny who your son is at his very core.
You are right to connect this denial with your son’s depression.
Your husband is creating a wedge between himself and his son that he may never be able to repair.
A parent’s job is to guide a child, not to dictate from on high what course his life should take.
Your son should know that the career he follows is his own responsibility.
Evidently, your husband doesn’t trust his son to make good choices.
That will impede his ability to do so.
I don’t quite understand how your husband can dictate your career choices. He has made his view clear.
You should thank him for sharing his opinion, then do what you need to do to be solvent and happy.
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