I want candy. I want sequels.
Go ahead, make my day, make them all.
Bring us “The Re-Departed,” where Mark Wahlberg teams with Wolverine, and the X-Men finally clean up Southie.
Let’s do “Miss Teen Sunshine,” where a plucky adolescent sits in her room all day watching “The Real World” until her parents buy her a Lexus.
Why not bring back New York’s favorite intrepid short guy for “Capote: Return of Pashmina”?
Have you heard the idea for Clint Eastwood’s latest, “Text Messages From Okinawa”?
Hollywood plans at least 23 retreads this summer, and frankly I couldn’t be happier. The sequels. The remakes. The adaptations. The spinoffs. The rebrandings. From “Hairspray” redux to “Nancy Drew,” I can’t wait.
“Spidey” 3? Tie me down. “Pirates” III? Uncork it already. “Ocean’s 13”? I’m all in.
“Shrek” 3. “Bourne” 3. “Evan Almighty.” “The Simpsons” movie.
Roll your eyes all you want, but it’s all quality stuff. If Hollywood is intent on making this the Summer of Sequels, let’s make it an Endless Summer. We’re getting a four-month ticket to revisit the premium movie franchises of the past decade, and unless Coppola has “Godfather IV” in the can, we should be happy for what we’ve got.
“The difference between this summer of sequels and all the previous summers of sequels is that many of these are welcome sequels,” said Brandon Gray, founder of the movie- biz tracking website BoxofficeMojo.com. “These are franchises people want to see continued. ‘Pirates.’ ‘Shrek.’ ‘Bourne.’ ‘Potter.’ ‘Spider- Man.’ People genuinely enjoy these franchises. People four years ago were not particularly anxious to see another ‘Terminator.”‘
Self-explanatory marketing
Why does Hollywood keep doing it? You won’t like the answer: Because you didn’t go see “Breach.”
That worthy adult thriller, the true story of FBI traitor Robert Hanssen starring Chris Cooper and heartthrob Ryan Philippe, got terrific reviews on its February release and promptly went in the tank. It should have made $80 million and started some serious Oscar buzz. Instead, it stopped at $33 million and was never heard from again.
“Breach” had a bad title. It was hard to describe. Kind of depressing. A thinking fan’s thriller, with a stellar but not sexy cast.
So for the all-important summer season, when Hollywood makes the billions it needs to keep the movie machines running, we’ll get movies with no explanation necessary: “Rush Hour 3.” The fourth “Die Hard.” Another “Fantastic Four.” Another “Hostel.” The list runs on and on, past the obvious, down to a movie-to-Broadway-back-to-movie remake of “Hairspray,” a Rob Zombie rethinking (poor choice of words?) of “Halloween,” “Underdog” and “Care Bears: Oopsy Does It.”
Sony said it spent $270 million to make “Spider-Man 3,” opening Friday, before the usual $50 million to $100 million in marketing costs. Industry sources say Sony really spent at least $350 million, making it the most expensive ever.
Why? Seven hundred and seventy-eight million reasons.
With only two installments so far, “Spider-Man” is already in the top 10 all-time movie franchises for revenue (see list), and a $300 million to $400 million outing this time around will put it near the top of the heap. Even at $300 million just to get inside the can, “Spider-Man 3” will more than double that amount in worldwide box office, then go out and double it again with DVD sales.
“It’s the first one out of the gate, and there’s a lot of pent-up demand to see the continuation of that story,” said Gray. “Spidey 3 could very well break the opening-weekend record.”
For top earner among the Big Four – the spider, the ogre, the wizard and the buccaneer – Gray said he would go with Tobey Maguire. “If someone asked me to bet now, I’d bet ‘Spider-Man,”‘ he said.
Coming attractions
Now that the horse race has been handicapped, here is a rundown on some of the more interesting ponies in the summer contest:
“Ocean’s 13” (June 8): Director Steven Soderbergh reconvenes George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle and the gang for more Las Vegas high jinks. This franchise works because Hollywood’s biggest stars cut loose and have fun, realizing that many American moviegoers simply enjoy watching stars be stars. Al Pacino injects new life as a megalomaniacal hotel builder the boys must bring down to size. Don’t worry, even with Pacino’s late-career penchant for scenery chewing, Vegas will still have some hotel rooms left over.
“Evan Almighty” (June 22): More spinoff than sequel, this follow-up to Jim Carrey’s “Bruce Almighty” changes the focus to the unctuous newscaster played by red-hot Steve Carell (“The Office,” “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”). Evan winds up leading an ark full of animals into prophecy, and snarks are calling the CGI-heavy movie the most expensive comedy ever made.
“The Simpsons” (July 27): Can TV’s most consistently funny comedy sustain itself over 90 minutes? Creators Matt Groening and James L. Brooks must walk the fine line between pleasing hard-core fans who memorize every stupid thing Homer has ever said, and families who have only sampled “The Simpsons” in its 18-season run.
“The Bourne Ultimatum” (Aug. 3): “Bourne” is the smartest action series ever made, a seamless blend of brooding lead character and paranoid worldview. “Bourne Supremacy” director Paul Greengrass returns, welcome news to those of us who loved that sequel and Greengrass’ remarkable 9/11 tribute, “United 93.” Matt Damon as Bourne lost intriguing girlfriend Franka Potente to an assassin in No.2, so now he hits the road to explore his origins with Julia Stiles.
“28 Weeks Later” (May 11): Danny Boyle helped revive zombie movies with the sharply disturbing “28 Days Later” in 2002. The opening 20 minutes of that film were a revelation, almost literally: Scientists infected monkeys with a rage virus by overfeeding them TV violence; animal rights activists unleashed the rage on the world by freeing the chimps. Within a month, England was a wasteland. A new director, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, takes over the story with U.S. troops deciding who gets to live or die in a repopulated London. A rare injection of politics into Sequels World! What’s not to love?
“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” (July 13): Is this film five? Are we on book seven? I no longer care, having lost interest in all things Harry after the first book and movie, but plenty of you can’t wait. An unknown director (David Yates) takes over the franchise, likely to be the most lucrative in history by the time book No.7 is filmed in a few years. Potter, at $1.1 billion total, is already No.3, behind “Star Wars” and the James Bond series.
“Hairspray” (July 20): What a country, when a sicko director at heart like John Waters can be the creative force behind a beloved American story like “Hairspray.” Director Adam Shankman now reshapes the Broadway musical, which itself was adapted from Waters’ 1988 original. John Travolta takes on the pivotal role of Mama Edna, an overweight housewife who backs her daughter’s quest to bring racial justice to 1960s teen TV. That’s right – the hefty Travolta in a female fat suit. Worth a look.
Staff writer Michael Booth can be reached at 303-954-1686 or at mbooth@denverpost.com.
Sequels are born because film franchises can be very lucrative. Here are the top 10 film franchises at the North American box office in millions of dollars:
1. Star Wars $1,882.8
2. James Bond $1,440.1
3. Harry Potter $1,119.1
4. The Lord of the Rings $1,060.7
5. Batman $916.3
6. Spider-Man $777.3
7. Jurassic Park $767.3
8. Star Trek $755.6
9. Pirates of the
Caribbean $728.7
10. Shrek $708.9
BOXOFFICEMOJO.COM
