Dear Amy: I know that this is silly, but I would appreciate your take and suggestions on what my family should do.
Our family has a relative in her 50s. She is in a fairly new relationship and seems to think that it’s necessary to have public displays of affection in our presence.
We can be sitting there eating, playing cards, watching TV, etc., and they seem to think it is OK to kiss for a while.
I’m not talking about a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I’m talking about a full-mouth kiss, followed by another, followed by another.
You get the picture! None of us knows how to react! Is it proper to look away, watch, applaud, or what? It really does make us quite uncomfortable.
– Not in High School Anymore!
Dear Not: Ooh. I feel your pain.
First, you should give your relative the benefit of hearing how this makes you feel. You can say, “I’m so happy that you’re in this relationship. You two seem like such a good match. But you know, when you and Jim make out in front of everybody, it is pretty embarrassing to the rest of us. None of us know where to look.”
However, because public displays of affection are just that – public – if your private response doesn’t achieve the desired result, then you can make your feelings public.
You can try to be lighthearted, i.e. “Hey, Aunt Margaret! Get a room!” You can also turn it into a game of sorts. For instance, every time they start to make out, you and the rest of the family can take another brownie, fistful of popcorn, or sip of a drink. There’s no reason why she should have all of the fun.
…
Dear Amy: I am 42 and in my second unhappy marriage.
I have no love for my husband. We don’t even get along, but I’ve decided to just tolerate the marriage for the sake of my two young children, who are happy, well adjusted and love their father dearly.
I met a man at work and have fallen deeply in love with him. Neither of us would ever cheat on our spouses, so we’ve decided to keep our relationship to just saying “hi” in the hallway.
But now that I’ve felt what it’s like to really be in love, I’ve become sullen and depressed.
Should I try and find possible happiness at the expense of my kids’ happiness? The last thing I want to do is become a single mother, but life is short and we only have one chance at it. What are your thoughts?
– Confused
Dear Confused: If by “finding possible happiness” you mean that you and this man would leave your marriages to be together, then you wouldn’t be a single mother. You would be a mother with two children, two exes and a new relationship.
Yes. Life is short. You only have one chance. The same goes for your kids, by the way. Will you choose to spend this portion of your life chasing love around the block with your kids in tow? It’s good that you are committed to your children’s happiness. But so far, it doesn’t sound as if you are able to contribute much to their happiness. You are in a miserable marriage, sullen and depressed.
What you are going through affects them too. The state of your marriage is the state of their family. Please find a professional to talk to. Nobody benefits if you are miserable.
You should take this episode as evidence that you need to commit to finding yourself.
This is going to sound really corny, but you should be the love of your life.
For a “stiff upper lip” take on a similar situation, watch the wonderful movie “Brief Encounter.” Bring a hankie.
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