Dear Amy: I live in a retirement community in which all residents are provided one served meal each day.
This service, normally the evening meal, is served in a dining area. High school students serve the meals. These servers are both male and female, and wear white shirts/blouses and black pants/skirts.
Two of the female servers wear black scarves over their heads, consistent with, I presume, their Muslim religious tradition.
It offends my sense of propriety and decorum to have these two servers display their religious symbols in a private dining area. I would like to complain to management, but I don’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest.
Am I wrong? What say you?
– Kilroy
Dear Kilroy: Are you offended by evidence of any religion in the dining room? Or do you mind the fact that these girls are Muslim and it is impossible for you to ignore that fact? The ideal function of the hijab is to project an air of modesty to avoid attention – not draw it. And it seems that a black headscarf fits in with the black-and-white uniform for servers.
I wonder if you would be similarly offended if these girls wore Amish caps or if some of the young male waiters wore yarmulkes? Perhaps you would be. If so, and if any evidence of religion in your dining room offends you, then complain to management. But you will be stirring up a hornet’s nest if you do.
These young people have a right to wear their headscarves, and unless these scarves somehow impair their ability to serve you your dinner, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on.
…
Dear Amy: My husband, daughter and I went to a friend’s birthday party. It was a formal, sit-down dinner.
I am 54 years old and was seated next to a woman, “Susan,” in her late 20s. I had never met Susan before.
When it came time to order, most people at the table ordered prime rib. So did Susan and I. When the food was served, Susan got an end piece that looked a little dry.
She looked at my plate and exclaimed, “Oh, I like fatty meat. I’ll trade plates with you.” I was so shocked by this.
Trying to be polite, I couldn’t think fast enough, and I gave her my plate.
What would you have done?
– Distressed Diner
Dear Distressed: The polite thing for you to do would have been to say, “Oh, your meat does look dry. Do you want me to help you find the waiter to get you a different piece?”
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