Dear Amy: Our daughter is a 19-year-old student living in our home. She gets good grades and she doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs. We couldn’t be more proud of her.
However, I recently discovered that her Facebook page has several photos of her posing in a swimsuit that are not exactly in good taste.
They’re not terrible, just a little disturbing. She is quite good-looking, and the photos make her look self-centered and conceited, and perhaps send the wrong message.
What to do?
– Wondering Mom
Dear Wondering: If your daughter were choosing in one realm of her life to appear conceited and self-centered, then I’d say that she is a pretty normal 19-year-old. The world tells good-looking girls that their looks are paramount and valued by others; you can’t be surprised if they believe this and act it out publicly for a time.
Facebook isn’t secret. It’s out there for anyone who can gain access to it (including you) to see. You could tell your daughter that you’ve seen her pages, and ask her about her choices. Remind her that prospective employers and grad schools can check every online source when considering her for positions.
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Dear Amy: My sister told my wife and me a long time ago that when it comes to her children’s birthdays, she would prefer money to gifts.
So, for the past couple of years, we have given $50 to each child because that is what she gives our children. I think it’s tacky, but we go along with it.
After my niece’s last birthday, we got a letter from my sister. Included in that letter was the birthday check from the previous year that we had given to our niece. My sister wrote that she had forgotten about it and recently found it, and could I please send her a new one? My wife said that we should send our niece a present and a note to my sister saying that we don’t want her to lose another check, so we are going to give her gifts from now on.
What is the proper thing to do?
– Bothered Brother
Dear Brother: The idea behind gift-giving is to give the recipient something that you think they (not only her mother) would enjoy. Very young children would rather receive a toy, book or other material gift over money, and though a time comes for many older children when they prefer to receive money, you’ll sense when that time comes.
In the meantime, I think that your wife’s response sounds just about right.
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