Dear Amy: I am a high school senior planning to attend university in the fall.
My school is a private college with a steep tuition rate, and although I received a sizable grant, my parents also will be paying.
My parents are now refusing to pay tuition. Why? When I filled out the university’s questionnaire for roommate preferences, I said that I usually go to bed between midnight and 2 a.m. When I told my parents, I was surprised that they were furious. They said that I should have specified an earlier bedtime.
My folks believe that I am going to be assigned with a roommate who does not go to bed until 4 a.m., that I will be unable to get any sleep and that my grades will suffer as a result.
They have threatened to withdraw tuition payments unless I write to the university and revise my bedtime hours. My parents believe that I should change my sleeping pattern and that my roommate will be the catalyst.
– Losing Sleep in Maryland
Dear Losing Sleep: How did you get to be so much more mature than your folks? I have to assume that they did a very good job with you and that now they are freaking out at the prospect of your leaving. Turn down the heat on this melodrama by being responsive and respectful – but rather than lie about your sleeping preferences, you could invite your folks to contact the dean of housing with any questions they might have about roommate matching.
You can assume that a seasoned university official will find ways to talk them off the ledge.
I suggest that you work hard to find ways to pay your way through school, thereby removing your folks’ temptation to use their financial clout as a sledgehammer.
…
Dear Amy: My roommate/best friend and I recently moved to a new place. When we gave our month’s notice at the old place, he and I agreed to share the moving responsibilities.
He moved his bedroom and personal items early on, but as the move-out time got closer, he said he needed to put in extra time at work.
In the final days at the old place, he didn’t help (I ended up having to take time off from work). Then he went out of town the final weekend of moving the big stuff, blaming pressure at work. My roommate keeps apologizing, but talk is cheap. I believe he needs to act.
I have thought of requesting that he take full responsibility for moving us out when the time comes (and get it in writing), or that he help me move my sister when she graduates from college soon. What’s your advice?
– Jason
Dear Jason: Your roommate did a jerky thing. Only you can know if he is a full-time jerk or a guy who made a jerky mistake. Why don’t you tell him that you’re still bothered by this, say that his apologies aren’t working for you and ask him to suggest creative ways to make it up to you?
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