Wars have raged over less:
His futon or her chintz sofa? His Bruce Lee poster or her Vincent van Gogh print? His quilt knitted by Grandma when he was 2 years old, or her silk toss pillows haggled down to a steal at a Parisian antiques market?
Agreeing to share a home need not be the beginning of a stylistic battle of the wills. Figuring out together how best to use new space can ease emotional attachment to material things and the personality conflicts that invariably flare up when fusing two households into one.
Wedding season is kicking into high gear, so Room spoke with design experts who specialize in merging style and function, especially when the people involved have conflicting tastes.
New roommates, newlyweds, unmarried couples living together and anyone else who struggles with a shared living space can learn from these basic strategies of engagement:
One person can give in to the other person’s taste, or a compromise can be negotiated.
Each person can carve out private space in the home.
Or toss out the old and buy new furniture that highlights a new life together.
“When all else fails, humor and a good vintage bottle of wine always help,” says Linda Allen, a guest designer on “Designing for the Sexes,” the HGTV show that each week helps a new couple resolve home- or renovation-related conflicts.
“Don’t take it all too seriously,” says the Hollywood decorator. “Things can be changed. … Think of this process as a good way to get to know your partner, roommate or spouse and talk about what kind of home you both want to live in.”
The first mistake many individuals make is “working backwards,” Allen says. This happens when people start cutting out pictures from design magazines even before they’ve defined their space together.
Allen suggests starting with these questions: How do you want to feel in this room? Is it formal or informal? How will the space be used? Is this a living room for entertaining guests or a family room for more casual living?
Everyone who will share the space should get involved in the improvement process. Furniture shopping together and looking at design books and magazines together can help identify shared tastes. Attending open houses together also might enable each person to understand where the other is coming from.
Designer Phyllis Bowie is on the Fine Living Network show “Mail Order Makeover.” Her motto: Change your interior, change your life.
The first step she uses when merging two distinct styles is to have each person assess what they own. Items should be divided into those that are “functional” and those that are “emotional.”
Few conflicts arise with functional belongings, which are often duplicates when two houses become one. When there are two butcher blocks, for instance, simply figure out which one is better, then store or throw away the other one.
Sentimental belongings are another story.
Insurance agent Nikki Beasley’s mother had trouble giving up a battered wardrobe after agreeing last year to move in with her daughter and granddaughters. Phyllis Beasley, 59, had suffered a stroke and the recent loss of her own mother. To her, giving up that wardrobe meant yet another painful loss.
Her daughter sought direction from Phyllis Bowie to help everyone in the house adjust to the move. The designer guided them through a major renovation of their two-story, 2,600-square-foot home.
“It was really important (to) me that she had some things that belonged to her,” Nikki Beasley says. “It was her house, too.”
So one room was transformed into her mother’s private space and painted with colors of her choosing. Tile replaced carpet to accommodate her mother’s small dog.
A new sectional with enough room for everyone in the family replaced a smaller love seat formerly favored by Nikki Beasley and her daughters. An ottoman that had belonged to Phyllis Beasley’s mother was reupholstered to match her redesigned bedroom. And Phyllis’ beloved print of a black woman sitting on a stoop popping peas found a new home in the family room.
But that old wardrobe still posed a problem. In the end, Bowie sat down with Phyllis and Nikki to help them understand the difference between functional and emotional belongings. “Now you have your own closet space and this wardrobe is no longer functional,” she said.
It worked. “Next thing I knew,” Beasley recalls, “Mom had moved that wardrobe from her new room down into the garage.”
Staff writer Sheba R. Wheeler can be reached at 303-954-1283 or swheeler@denverpost.com.
