Dear Amy: I live in a beautiful home with my husband and two daughters, “Diana” and “Elizabeth.” Our daughters transferred to a new school and met many new friends.
Diana claims that she has met a terrific boy, and she says that they are going steady. I am happy for her, and I hope that Elizabeth will have similar opportunities.
When Diana’s boyfriend, “Jack,” came to our house, he used my phone several times to call someone. I know I’m not supposed to eavesdrop, but I had to. I figured out Jack was talking to another “girlfriend.” He said that he was cheating on Diana.
I was surprised and rushed to tell Diana, but she doesn’t believe me because she thinks I’m overprotective. What should I do?
– Worried and Wondering
Dear Wondering: Haven’t you done enough? You should not be eavesdropping on phone calls made from your home.
I realize that you think that the result (you discovered that your daughter’s boyfriend was cheating) justifies your actions, but your daughter won’t see things that way. An important developmental milestone for your daughter is the ability to make her own healthy relationship choices. You can help her most by modeling mature behavior and by demonstrating the ability to maintain the proper amount of parental distance, letting her make her own mistakes and being available to help her to pick up the pieces when things don’t work out.
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Dear Amy: My 7-year-old son, “Andy,” became very good friends with a child, “Penny,” who lived in our neighborhood for a short time while her family built a home elsewhere. They were inseparable, and when Penny’s family moved across town a year ago, many promises were made for regular play dates and staying in touch. I soon realized that I was the only one calling to arrange these play dates.
Is there a way to tactfully ask the mom if we should quit contacting them, that the relationship is dead?
– Confused Mom
Dear Confused: There is no need to tactfully ask this mother if you should stop contacting them, because if you do it will just bring on another round of “No, we love seeing Andy!” You should simply explain to your son that Penny’s mom always forgets to call back and encourage him to develop other friendships with kids who are more available.
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