My mom is scared of teenagers. She thinks they’re spontaneous and stubborn and full of hormones. And she couldn’t bear to have one of those in her house.
So, from the time I started to read, she has tried to mash me into an approved teenage shape. Her precautions throughout elementary school came in the form of lectures, and my responses were always the same: “I’ve already heard this story, mom!” I assured her that when I grew up, I would remember to “be a good teenager.”
Now, I sit in my summer school dorm at a Massachusetts college, far from the guidance and supervision of my parents, and I can’t really tell if I’m being a good teenager.
Am I bad for staying up past midnight? Is it terrible if I stand less than 8 inches from (dare I say it) a boy? Will she know if I forget to wash behind my ears?
Although I love my mother, “be a good teenager” is the most shapeless piece of advice I have ever received. So, to clarify, I consulted with my mom during a long-distance call.
“Ah, Jennifer, it means you should be yourself,” she said slowly, her Chinese accent crackling over the phone. “Don’t be controlled by others. And make sure you eat vegetables every day.”
She was referring to peer pressure, the feeling everyone has known and has dealt with at some time. I see it everywhere: There’s pressure to have the right body, perfect grades, and staying “cool” with alcohol, drugs and sex. And, as if this wasn’t enough to think about, these days teenagers also face the pressure to buy brand-name products. In fact, commercial influence has gotten to the point where students do most of the advertising.
On any given day, I can walk down a street anywhere in the United States and see teens flaunting their Burberry wallets, popping the collars on their Lacoste polos, and jabbing the signature- white earphones of the Apple iPod into their ears.
It’s no surprise. I go to a private school in Denver, where many students can afford these luxuries in addition to the hefty tuition. Like many of the parents of my classmates, however, my mother and father value education above all else, and they bend over backwards so that I receive the schooling that I do. They would rather send me to summer school to pursue my academic interests than to comfort me with lavish gifts. And because of the sacrifice they make for me, I feel bad spending money that’s not mine.
Of course, it’s not easy to deal with peer pressure. I find it almost painful to watch as some of my classmates easily purchase $100 shirts and even more expensive handbags. I’m jealous and self-conscious. In fact, in my freshman year, I was so desperate to fit in with some of my high school schoolmates that I begged my parents for months for my first expensive accessory, a Coach handbag.
Eventually, my whining wore them down. As I toted my bag around town, I was so glad to finally identify with my peers. But that contentment didn’t last long. A few weeks later, it occurred to me that it wasn’t Louis Vuitton.
It’s true that I still don’t have an iPod. And yes, I still feel a pang of jealously when I see one carelessly tossed on the floor. But now I understand that it really doesn’t matter. It’s foolish for me to pretend that I can live the same lifestyle others do.
So for now, I just have to sort out my needs from my wants.
As we students start to go back to school next week, we’ll find ourselves subjected anew to the ever-existent pressure to fit in, to be perfect. I can’t say that I won’t ever give in to peer pressure again; just that I’m determined to keep on applying the old rule of resistance – and to try to be myself, like my mom said.
Jennifer Luo (jluo09@kentdenver.org) is a junior at Kent Denver School.
