Dear Amy: I’ve been going to an expensive theater camp this summer.
Lately my parents and another set of parents have been switching off giving us rides. I don’t mind this at all. However, when my mother can’t pick the two of us up, the other mother picks us up at least half an hour early every time she drives.
At the end of the day we do important things such as announcements pertaining to the next day, running new music and other things of that nature. Because I have a lead in the show we are putting on, it is very rude to just leave.
I have asked her why she picks us up so early, and she just brushes it aside with, “Oh, I was nearby and decided to drop by and pick you two up early.” I understand that she is an adult, but shouldn’t she adhere to the pick-up times? She pays a lot for this camp also! I will be 16 soon, so I won’t have to deal with parents picking me up when I can drive myself. My mother gets a hot head when things such as this come up, so I was wondering if there was anything that I could say or do to this parent without being rude and hurting her feelings.
– Young and Helpless
Dear Helpless: I’m surprised that your camp doesn’t have stricter rules about pickup at the end of the day. Normally, campers are strongly urged to stay until they have received instructions and the parents cool their heels, fanning themselves and feeding the meter until the kids are released.
The next time your ride arrives early, perhaps you can run over to this mom and say something such as, “I’m so sorry, but they haven’t given me my notes yet. Do you mind waiting a few minutes until they finish with me?” I understand that you’d like to keep your mother out of this because of her flaming hot headedness, but if this ride-share isn’t working out, she really is in the best position to work out another arrangement.
…
Dear Amy: My older brother, “Colby,” 24, and his girlfriend, “Brenda,” 22, live in our house with me, my little sister, and my mom and dad.
Colby and Brenda fight all the time. Brenda is needy, short-tempered and snotty. Colby has been stressed because he has been working a lot to pay off student loans. While he is at work, Brenda goes out shopping for very expensive clothes and asks me not to tell my brother about it. About a week ago, my older sister, “Janet,” told me that she saw Brenda hanging all over and kissing another guy at a local bar. Janet also told my mom about this.
Yesterday I heard Brenda talking on the phone to a guy named “James.” She kept saying, “Colby can’t find out” and “how much fun last night was.” How should I tell Colby? Should I confront Brenda?
– Torn
Dear Torn: It is a shame that your folks are letting “Brenda” run their household.
No one should ever ask you to keep something a secret from a family member. That’s highly unethical and gives you ample grounds to violate the code of silence that Brenda seems to have cast upon your whole family.
If she ever does this again, you should say to her, “You shouldn’t ask me to keep secrets from my brother. I won’t do it.” Spilling the beans on a bogus secret is different from overhearing a phone conversation, however. Unless it’s a matter of life or death, you really shouldn’t repeat one side of an overheard conversation, partly because you don’t know the context.
Your parents (both mom and dad) need to host a “family meeting” to decide what to do about this. They should let you and your sister fully express your concerns and frustrations, and then they should decide on a course of action. I vote for asking Brenda to find her own place.
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