Dear Abby: I still feel immensely hurt because of a failed relationship from almost 30 years ago. My high school sweetheart of almost four years broke off our engagement when we were in our early 20s. Our lives were going in different directions – I was going to college and she was partying.
Over the years I never really got over the hurt, even though I have been married for 20 years and have a loving family. I finished college and have a great career.
Recently she reconnected through our high school website. She told me about her life, which has had its ups and downs. She now lives five states away. She’s happily married but “just wanted to see what I’m doing and how my life ended up.” I never returned the e-mail as it hurts too much.
How do I get over this?
– Aching in New York
Dear Aching: Your pain will dissipate when you stop nursing your old hurts and count your blessings.
Quit dwelling on a disappointment from 30 years ago and begin living in the moment. If my commonsense cure doesn’t do the trick, ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed psychotherapist.
. . .
Dear Abby: In April, my husband and I lost our daughter, Sophia, to complications from several birth defects. We received support from everyone we know, including some nice gifts, money for expenses, as well as cards and meals.
We have so many people to thank. We truly appreciate everything we have received, and when I see people in person I thank them. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but the stress of having to write the thank-you cards is making me sick.
– Grieving Mother
Dear Grieving Mother: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your baby girl. Under the circumstances, all of your feelings are normal. However, the caring and generosity of those who reached out to you should be acknowledged.
Enlist close friends and family to help. Keep the message simple: “Thank you for reaching out to our family during this difficult time. Your kindness and generosity are much appreciated,” should suffice. You should sign the cards.
Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
