There’s always a snag.
The cabinet shows up in the wrong size. The plumber is delayed at another job. The inspector fails to appear on the appointed day.
Even under the best of circumstances, remodeling inevitably turns into an emotional roller coaster with so many highs and lows that it can take weeks for homeowners to recover mentally from major construction, building experts said.
“Sometimes, it’s not until two or three months later, when the homeowner is sitting in their new sunlit room with a breeze blowing through, that they finally say, ‘I’m glad I did this,’ ” said David Lupberger, a building consultant and author of “Managing the Emotional Homeowner,” a book aimed at contractors. “It takes time for the memory to fade.” Putting finances aside, the angst of remodeling typically is rooted in not knowing what to expect next. As some builders readily admit, contractors are not by nature a communicative bunch. They’re trained to work with their hands, not hold hands. That helps explain why many fail to brace their clients for the ride ahead, Lupberger said.
That ride goes something like this: Homeowner decides to build.
Excitement soars. Budget and wish list don’t mesh. Excitement wanes.
Construction begins; frame takes shape. Excitement hits high.
From then until the project is done is usually the longest downhill run. That’s when the plumbers, electricians and other contractors do their thing, said Tim Burch Jr., president of Burch Builders Group in Warrenton, Va. “The client can’t put their finger on the pulse of what’s happening. To them, it feels like they’re looking at the same structure without seeing change.” The disruption of time and space can take a toll on a homeowner’s psyche, said Clare Cooper Marcus, author of the recently reissued book “House as a Mirror of Self.” For her book, Marcus asked people to carry on a dialogue with their homes, asking them to alternate roles and pretend to be the home talking back. The exercise often elicited tears and gasps.
“It may sound a bit hokey and very California, but it was extraordinarily revealing,” said Marcus, professor emerita in the architecture department of the University of California at Berkeley.
“At home, we are surrounded by things that represent our values — the mementos of travel, family and special events. It is a powerful place because it is our psyche writ large.” So it’s no wonder that messing with the setup can be a tortured experience, giving rise to tension between homeowners and their contractors — and among the homeowners themselves, she said.
“He wants to remodel the kitchen this way, and she wants to do it that way, and suddenly they realize that the differences in style or the willingness to spend money represent underlying differences between them that they had been papering over,” Marcus said.
Matt Frumin said he and his wife, Lena, kept conflicts at a minimum through “division of labor” when they started remodeling their Washington home nearly two years ago. “I paid attention mostly to the structural things, and she made all the aesthetic decisions because her taste is far better than mine anyway,” Frumin said.
The couple hired an architect (who was also a neighbor and friend) to design additions to the front and back of the house, a new kitchen, and changes to the flow of the house that required knocking down walls. The Frumins then decided on a contracting team that came well recommended by friends and was, in his words, “a pleasure to have around” even though the project moved in fits and starts.
“We met with a handful of contractors and took bids,” said Frumin, a lawyer. The lowest bidder won the job, but Frumin said the decision was based on more than price. “We just liked and felt very comfortable with (the contractor). We had a good rapport from the start. … It grew into more than a ‘not bad’ relationship. It grew into a great relationship.” Finding the right personality fit is just as important as finding the right price, if not more so, said Bob Benedict, president of Northwood Construction in Sterling, Va. “A lot of people think price is the overall champion,” Benedict said. “But if the contractor or the customer proves to be difficult, you’d pay almost any price to get out of the relationship.” When they meet the contractor, he said, homeowners should ask themselves: Is the contractor giving me ample time to speak? Is the person listening to me and taking my questions seriously? Would I feel comfortable approaching this person if things go wrong? If communication is stilted from the start, chances are it won’t get better, he said.
Ask the contractor to introduce you to the person who will be supervising the project, and ask if that person will be on site full time, Burch said.
“If there’s a really analytical client who wants to talk about every technical aspect of the project, there are some project managers who are good for that and others who are not,” Burch said. “We’ve switched out project managers in these kinds of situations before.” Given all the moving parts, it’s important for owners to insist on putting as much as possible in writing from the start, said Lupberger, who also works with ServiceMagic, an online contractor referral company based in Golden, Colo.
For instance, be specific about what finishes and trims will be used. Push the contractor to provide a selection sheet and make the choices as far in advance as possible to avoid back orders later on.
That helps alleviate one of the most common consumer gripes about remodeling jobs: busted deadlines.
“Some contractors say, ‘Don’t worry about it; we’ll make the selections later,’ ” Lupberger said. “That destroys schedules.” To keep a project on track, he said, homeowners should insist on meeting with the contractor regularly. When he was a builder years ago, Lupberger would sit down with his clients for about 40 minutes once a week in the morning, when everyone tended to be most focused and eager to get on with the day, he said.
At each meeting, he would take notes on a multiple-copy memo form, detail a plan of action and assign responsibility for the tasks ahead — as in who needed to make roofing or brick selections by what date.
He would then give a copy of the notes to the homeowner to sign, creating a paper trail and establishing joint accountability.
Homeowners and their contractors can go a step further by keeping an on-site job book in which the owner can jot down questions or concerns that the crew should address the next day, he said.
“Organization is everything,” Lupberger said. “You’re making hundreds of selections and decisions, and if this is not done in an organized fashion, you will be overwhelmed and your budget is going to be all over the board.” Begin optional add end You will be especially overwhelmed if you are not realistic about your living arrangements while construction crews rip apart your home, several builders said.
Frumin, the Washington homeowner, said his family decided early on that the most disruptive construction should begin at the end of one school year and wind down by the start of the next — which it did, through careful planning.
The crew started building onto the house in March. During the summer, Lena Frumin left with her son to visit her parents in California, and the two daughters took off for camp.
Soon after, the construction crew started tearing up the inside of the house. Matt Frumin stayed, cooking on an outdoor grill and sleeping in a new room that was nearly exposed to the outdoors.
In mid-July, the family regrouped for a vacation. In August, they borrowed the homes of vacationing friends, then moved back into their own house in September.
Frumin looks back at it as a “sort of fun” adventure, he said.
“For us, it was clearly a positive experience with a happy ending, so much so that we hosted a Christmas party for the contractor a year and a half later.”
