Dear Amy: It is extremely commonplace these days for men and women to constantly use foul language. Frankly, it drives me crazy. It saddens and disappoints me.
I have a wonderful friend who is successful in her career, and over the past 15 years she has proven to be a good person with a big heart. However, when she speaks, I find myself cringing. She curses in her office, around friends and even in front of her boss.
How do you tell someone without sounding like her mom to watch her language? “Jamie” is 38 years old and has never been married; she says that not being married bothers her tremendously. On several occasions I have come close to saying, “Jamie, if I were a man and heard you speak like that, I would think twice about approaching you; frankly it would turn me off.” But I really don’t know what men think about a woman who uses foul language.
While growing up, I never forgot what one of my teachers said: “If you want to know what people are really like, listen to what they say and the type of language they use.” I am afraid that my friend is scaring people away and giving the wrong impression.
What can I say that could get the point across and not offend her?
– Stumped in Maryland
Dear Stumped: Let’s stipulate that foul language can be offensive to others regardless of the gender of the person spewing it.
Constructive criticism is sometimes best offered as a series of questions. The next time your friend is bemoaning her unmarried state, you might ask, “Do you ever worry that using foul language is a turnoff?” She may say that she doesn’t think her language is out of the ordinary. Then you can tell her that you’ve noticed it and wonder if the impression she is making is worthy of her.
…
Dear Amy: I am a teacher and am looking forward, once again, to seeing all the enthusiastic (well maybe not so enthusiastic) young faces in a couple of weeks. I love my job and enjoy being with all of my students. I would, however, like to send a message to the parents.
Parents, while I applaud all advances in technology, I ask that you read and reread all of the e-mails you are about to send to my colleagues and me. Please recognize that your angry e-mail might make you feel better but it completely ruins my day and week. When you slam out a few paragraphs at 11 p.m. because your son/daughter got a “C” on the last test, perhaps you shouldn’t hit the “send” button until morning.
Often parents vent without talking with their children, only to find out that their son/daughter didn’t study, take advantage of after-school help or perhaps isn’t telling the full story.
Please take some time to talk with your son/ daughter, and then if you are still upset, e-mail me and explain that you are upset, and I will be happy to respond. However, please reread what you have typed and remember that I, too, am human and have feelings.
– Teacher
Dear Teacher: This is excellent advice that I hope all parents will clip out and post on their refrigerators. Before firing off an e-mail, take the time to let your thoughts percolate, and always wait and reread a missive (preferably aloud to someone else) before sending it.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
