Dear Amy: Please help! My husband and I have three boys – 3, 9 and 10 years old.
My husband is very upset over their hair. He is adamant that they get a haircut, because, as he says, they “Need to look like boys!” My sons get very upset when I explain that it is haircut time. They like their hair. (For the record, their hair is just past their ears).
I have tried to explain to my husband that it appears many of the boys these days have adopted this style, and that their hair gives them confidence in their appearance.
My husband doesn’t care about this view, only that he wants their hair cut a certain way.
What are your views? Our “battle” is already brewing fast and the boys are clearly feeling anxiety over it.
– Hair Today
Dear Hair: This sounds eerily like the epic “hair battle of 1972” that I remember from my own childhood.
Are families still fighting about hair? Haven’t we learned how to pick our battles? Many kids (both boys and girls) don’t like to have their hair cut.
So, rather than give them more reasons not to want to get haircuts by disagreeing about it and introducing this as a situation worthy of anxiety, you and your husband really do need to agree on a course of action, preferably a compromise between a buzz cut and a ponytail.
I suggest that you find a really terrific barber and that your husband start with the oldest son. He should take him by himself for an afternoon of guy fun and a haircut followed by an ice cream sundae. If it’s done well, this can actually turn into a nice dad/ son activity.
Your husband should never refer to his sons as needing to look more like boys. Your sons are boys and no doubt look like whatever boys look like (your husband doesn’t get to decide what boys are supposed to look like). He should ask each son exactly how he wants his hair trimmed, discuss it with him with a sense of proportion and humor, and then trust that the barber will do his best to respect your son’s wishes.
You should trim your 3-year-old son’s hair yourself, telling him that he can go to the barber with Dad when he’s a big boy (he’ll start wanting to go when he hears this).
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