Dear Amy: I am afraid that I am at risk for having an eating disorder. I have always been extremely conscious of my weight. I am terrified of becoming fat.
When I was 13 I started extreme dieting. I went to therapy for depression, but I never told my therapist or anyone about my dieting.
My parents still do not know. When I started high school, I began eating regularly and felt that I gained an enormous amount of weight.
At 16, my mother allowed me to go on a diet. I lost 20 pounds. I felt great, beautiful and strong, but later that same year I became extremely depressed and stopped following the diet as closely.
I have since gained all 20 pounds back. I feel so fat, and all I can think about is my weight. I sometimes try to throw up if I feel that I have eaten too much.
Sometimes I resort to cutting myself as punishment. I want it to stop. I want to go to therapy or a nutritionist, but how do I tell my parents, who I don’t think will understand?
– Losing Control
Dear Losing: You are right about your situation and very smart to realize that you need help, but you can’t get help until you tell someone that you need help. I realize this takes a lot of courage, but your life will start to improve the minute you disclose this to the right person.
You should try to contact the therapist you saw when you were treated for depression. Gaining and losing weight and then cutting yourself as punishment could be depression or anxiety. A person can’t easily “get over” depression or an eating disorder without help. You need to see a professional.
The National Eating Disorders Association has a help line that you can call Monday through Friday during business hours. A phone counselor could offer you further support and suggest local resources: 800-931-2237 (edap.org).
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Dear Amy: My friend and I share a house. Her best friend (she’s a newer friend of mine) comes over to the house at least four times a week. She is a wonderful person, and I like her very much. However, she never offers to lift a finger if one of us makes a meal to share. She has never helped clean up whenever anyone else has cooked.
My housemate, who is from Europe, thinks this person just doesn’t buy into the “phoniness” that is considered manners in this country. I say that she is just inconsiderate and has bad manners, particularly because we are all good friends. When we have a meal together at the house, it is not like she is formal “company.” What do you say?
– Minding My Manners
Dear Minding: This is the first time that I have ever heard of someone accusing Americans of being overly concerned with manners – to the extent of being phony. Wow! I agree with you that when someone has gone from being an invited special guest to being a de facto housemate, she should offer to pitch in.
Now all you have to do is ask her. Repeat after me: “Kendra, can you help me put these dishes into the dishwasher?”
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