Dear Amy: I am 70, widowed and living alone comfortably. About 40 years ago, I had a short “fling” with a man who was married (I was not), and after a couple of months we amicably went our separate ways. I have not seen him since.
He recently found out I am widowed. (His wife is also dead.) Now he won’t leave me alone. He started calling me, telling me he loves me and saying he wants to move in with me. He calls five or six times a day, and he even came to my home one day when I wasn’t there (thank goodness) and left love poetry in my mailbox.
Now he has started to attend my church and my discussion group.
I’ve told him that I do not love him, but he doesn’t listen.
I feel as if he is stalking me. The problem is that he is 80, has a very bad heart, lives in poverty and is getting senile. I think that he has dreamed up this whole romantic obsession because he is looking for a sucker to take care of him in his old age. (He has no children.) I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but he’s driving me crazy, and if I offend him, I’m particularly concerned about what he will tell people at my church.
I am now a respected member of the community, but he’s so senile, I’m not sure what kind of tales he’s going to spread about our brief liaison (which he seems to remember in excruciating detail although he can’t remember phone calls he made an hour before). What can I do? – Worried
Dear Worried: You should bring this to your pastor’s attention. You don’t have to tell your pastor everything, but because he has chosen to become a member of the congregation, your pastor should be informed about what is going on. Your clergyperson will have contacts with social service agencies that should be able to help him.
You need to tell this man to stop contacting you (telling him that you don’t love him is different than telling him that he shouldn’t contact you). Document all of his contact with you. Get caller ID or an answering machine, and don’t take his calls. If he doesn’t stop and you feel threatened, you should get the police involved. They can help to connect him with social services.
If you are worried about what he might say at church, then you don’t have enough faith in your friends there. Surely they would think the best of you because that is what you would do for them.
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Dear Amy: What is the correct way to fill out applications or answer questions for another job after you have been fired from the previous one? In my previous job, new business partners came in two years ago and asked all of the employees if we had an accounting degree and if we spoke Spanish.
I didn’t have an accounting degree and didn’t speak Spanish. When I was hired six years ago, this wasn’t required.
I was asked to sign a document and refused. I didn’t sign it because I didn’t do the things they had outlined on the document, and so they fired me, they said, for insubordination.
I don’t know what I should say when applying for another job. I have never been fired in the 25 years I have been working.
Should I say it was a mutual decision? I don’t feel comfortable lying, so I need your help.
– Janice
Dear Janice: There’s a big difference between lying and “business-speak.” Lying is when you fabricate or deny the truth.
Business-speak permits you to be truthful by speaking in code.
When asked what happened in your previous job, you can say that new management came in two years ago and changed the scope of your duties.
“They took things in a different direction, and we ended up parting ways; I was very sorry about that because I loved the work and enjoyed working there for six years,” you can say. Be prepared to answer questions in detail and completely truthfully.
In any interview situation, you should be prepared to ask intelligent questions and provide detailed and articulate answers to your interviewer’s questions. Don’t ever trash your previous bosses or business, even if you feel invited to do so.
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Dear Amy: My friend was a passenger in a car and had her foot up against the dashboard with her knee bent. The air bags went off at a minor collision and her leg was broken in several places, while all others in the incident walked away with no problems. I’m hoping you can advise your readers against this common practice. – Ride Safely
Dear Ride: Thank you for the air-bag warning. Air bags deploy with such force that they can be a serious hazard to passengers in fender-benders.
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