Welcome to the NFL – the No Figuring League.
How do you explain what’s going on in the league these days? Maybe the answer is, you don’t. You accept it for what it is: salary cap football, as in, with players coming and going more than ever, you can go from have to have-not quicker than at any point in league history.
The Bears played in the Super Bowl last season. So what have they done for us lately? They’re 1-3. The Saints, who played in the NFC championship game, would love to be 1-3. They’re 0-3 and last in the league in turnover differential.
Then you have the Performers Formerly Known as the Chargers. The Lightning Dolts, your basic 14-2 bully in 2006, are 1-3 and yelling at one another on the sideline.
They’re not alone. Five of the 12 playoff teams from last season – add the Jets and Eagles to the list, too – have losing records. That makes Week 5 big – make that huge – for all of them.
So which ones will bounce back and revert to their winning ways? Who knows. This is the NFL we’re talking about. Maybe that’s why we talk about it. Because in the NFL, there’s no telling what will happen next.
Couch Potato Heaven
Seattle at Pittsburgh
11 a.m., Steelers by 6
Last meeting: Seahawks won 23-16 at Seattle on Nov. 2, 2003.
First meeting since Seahawks got jobbed in Super Bowl XL. Not that, you know, Mike Holmgren noticed. … Fatigue could be a factor here. Third road game in four weeks for ‘Hawks. … Stillers’ D leads AFC with 14 sacks. … When in doubt, Stillers give it to Willie Parker. Dude leads the NF of L with 93 carries. … Pitt has won seven straight vs. NFC at home.
Prediction: Steelers 31, Seahawks 19
Tampa Bay at Indianapolis
2:05 p.m., Colts by 9 1/2
Last meeting: Colts won 38-35 (OT) at Tampa on Oct. 6, 2003.
Bucs bring stellar D to face Men of Manning. TB has allowed 44 points, 11 per. Not that somethin’ has to give here, but Colts are scoring 32.8. … Indy coming off frustrating game vs. Broncos, when Colts fell behind 10-0. What’s that? Never mind. … Tony Dungy 1-0 vs. club he once coached. Remember that game? Colts were down 21 with four minutes left on Monday night, but won in OT.
Prediction: Colts 28, Bucs 19
Chicago at Green Bay
6:15 p.m., Packers by 3
Last meeting: Packers won 26-7 at Chicago on Dec. 31, 2006.
Monsters of the Midway, meet Matadors of the Midway. Bears’ D, of lack thereof, allowed record 34 points in 4th Q vs. Lions. … Bears’ QBs a turnover waiting to happen. They’re minus-7 in turnovers, next-to-last in the league. … Pack lost 26-0 to Bears in last year’s season opener. … His stats are 10 years younger. Now if Brett Favre would shave that Santa stubble, he’d look the same.
Prediction: Packers 27, Bears 20
Worth The Electricity
Jacksonville at Kansas City
11 a.m., Jaguars by 2
Last meeting: Chiefs 35, Jaguars 30.
On second thought, maybe Chiefs’ D can keep them in AFC West race. They shut out Chargers in second half last week – on the road. … Don’t have to tell Bronco Nation where Jags’ last road win came. … Jax’s David Garrard leads the loop with a 133.9 passer rating on third down. You knew that, right? … KC’s Tony Gonzalez has 62 career TD catches. One more and he breaks Shannon Sharpe’s record for TEs.
Prediction: Jaguars 19, Chiefs 16
Cleveland at New England
11 a.m., Patriots by 16 1/2
Last meeting: Patriots won 42-15 at Cleveland on Dec. 5, 2004.
Browns’ offense. Isn’t that an oxymoron? Not anymore. Braylon Edwards (375), Kellen Winslow (367) on pace to become first 1,000-yard receiving duo in franchise annals. … Browns minus-15 in turnovers in 2006, minus-1 this year. … Pats? What part of hand them the Lombardi Trophy right now don’t you get? Tom Brady has 13 TD tosses, putting him on pace for 52. Peyton Manning owns all-time mark with 49.
Prediction: Patriots 38, Browns 27
Detroit at Washington
11 a.m., Redskins by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Redskins won 17-10 at Detroit on Nov. 7, 2004.
Joe Gibbs 11-0 career vs. Lions. … Motowners coming off record 34-point 4th Q vs. hapless – yes, hapless – Bears. … Numbers of note from Viva Las Vegas: ‘Skins 9-2 vs. spread after bye weeks. Not only that, they’re grumpy young men after frustrating loss to Giants in Week 3. … Det rookie Calvin Johnson has 10 catches, all for FDs or TDs.
Prediction: Redskins 30, Lions 23
Dallas at Buffalo
6:30 p.m. Monday, Cowboys by 10
Last meeting: Cowboys won 10-6 at Dallas on Nov. 9, 2003.
Cowboys coach Wade Phillips returns to Buffalo, where he once served in same capacity. Yo, Bills, how has that worked out for ya since he left? … Cowboys averaging almost 38 points per, Bills closer to 38 yards per. … Rookie QB Trent Edwards will start for Let’s Go in Buffalo’s first MNF homer since 1994. That makes this one the Bills’ Super Bowl. But then, you know how the Bills fare in Super Bowls.
Prediction: Cowboys 34, Bills 3
Beats Cleaning The Garage
N.Y. Jets at N.Y. Giants
11 a.m., Giants by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Giants won 31-28 (OT) at the Meadowlands on Nov. 2, 2003.
Not sure who’ll win this one, but this much is certain: A lot of season-ticket holders in New Yawk aren’t happy this weekend. … After back-to-back debacles to open season, Giants’ D has put away the matador capes. Jets, meanwhile, stinkin’ up the stadium in pass D, giving up 259 yards per and 71 percent completions.
Prediction: Giants 27, Jets 16
Atlanta at Tennessee
11 a.m., Titans by 8 1/2
Last meeting: Titans won 38-31 at Atlanta on Nov. 23, 2003.
Falcons stink, right? Maybe not as much as you think. Joey Harrington in past two: 292 passing yards per, four TDs, no picks. His only two INTs were in Week One, and both were tips off WRs’ hands. … Tenn coach Jeff Fisher 3-0 career vs. Dirty Birds. … Talk about a pair to draw to. Titans No. 2 in the league in run D, run O. … Vince Young improving as a passer – 51.3 pct. last season, 62.7 pct. thru three.
Prediction: Titans 26, Falcons 24
Baltimore at San Francisco
2:15 p.m., Ravens by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Ravens won 44-6 at Baltimore on Nov. 30, 2003.
Trent Dilfer will start this one for Niners, whose offense was last spotted on a milk carton. … Ravens, none too pleased after losing to dog-bottom Browns, could be tired after second straight roadie, this one cross-country. … Derrick Mason gittin’ ‘er done for Balt with 33 catches, tied for No. 2 in the biz. … SF offense was horrible under Alex Smith. Now comes Dilfer, he of the 12-for-33, no TDs and 2 picks.
Prediction: Ravens 18, 49ers 13
Get A Life, Bubba
Miami at Houston
11 a.m., Texans by 6
Last meeting: Texans won 17-15 at Houston on Oct. 1, 2006.
Not that Falcons fans want him back, but Matt Schaub on pace for 4,000 passing yards for Texans. Michael Vick, meanwhile, on pace for 4,000 dogfighting charges. … Memo to Dawfins: Sons, fat, drunk and minus-6 in turnovers is no way to go through life. … Who knew? Miami TB Ronnie Brown leads Not For Long in scrimmage yards with 559 (311 rush, 248 receiving).
Prediction: Texans 31, Dolphins 22
Carolina at New Orleans
11 a.m., Saints by 3
Last meeting: Panthers won 31-21 at New Orleans on Dec. 31, 2006.
N’Awlins moving on without TB Deuce McAllister (knee surgery), leaving Reggie Bush with extra duties in backfield. He’s on pace to become first RB with 70-plus catches in first two seasons, but that’s all he can do. Bush thru three: 29 carries, 80 yards. … Saints’ turnover number – minus-8 – uglier than the price of gas. … KittyKats going with former Texan David Carr at QB. He generated whopping seven points last week in loss to Bucs.
Prediction: Panthers 30, Saints 26
Arizona at St. Louis
11 a.m., Cardinals by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Cardinals won 34-20 at St. Louis on Dec. 3, 2006.
Rams getting points? At home? Vs. the House of Cards? Maybe next year, boys. … It’s Friday. Do you know who the Cards’ starting QB is? Matt Leinart figures to get the gig, but ex-Ram Kurt Warner figures to get some time. … ‘Zona D line improved. DT Darnell Dockett second in the circuit with 5.5 sacks.
Prediction: Cardinals 29, Rams 17
