Dear Amy: My fiancé and I are planning to marry this June, but I have a problem that I am not sure how to handle.
My fiancé is in the Army, and after the wedding I will be moving from California to Texas to be with him while he serves our country.
I want to know if there is a polite way to ask guests for money or gift cards instead of presents.
I have asked a few people and have gotten different answers such as, “Word of mouth will spread the news.” Someone even mentioned not registering anywhere or putting “money tree” on an insert in the invitation. I have never heard of a money tree! I want to be polite and not sound like a money-grubber, so what’s the best way to handle this?
– Future Bride
Dear Bride: A “money tree” is a way to ask for money. Different cultures have different customs and practices when it comes to giving money to marrying couples – if you don’t come from this cultural tradition, then by all means don’t be the first person in your family to ask for cash.
Strictly speaking, it is inappropriate to ask expressly for any specific gift on or with your invitation. The best way to indicate what you might like is through word of mouth. If people ask you or family members what you would like to receive, you or they can explain your situation.
Dear Amy: With all due respect to “Concerned Grandma,” who was worried that her grandson doesn’t call his parents frequently enough from college, I think she’s concerned about the wrong thing.
Granted, parents do worry, and children should be in touch with them while they’re away at college. However, as a college administrator, I see spoiled students every day, and their ignorance of responsibility, discipline and consequences for actions makes them very difficult to educate and to prepare for the “real world.” These kids (not all kids, of course) expect college faculty and staff to do everything for them and/or balk if they are held accountable inside or outside the classroom. They also tend to be disrespectful and combative.
I worry how they will ever graduate, keep a job or raise a family.
To the parents who raised their children to be responsible and respectful, we thank you! – A Higher Educator
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