Dear Amy: I am 46, and my fiance is 44. He is a great guy.
However, his mother came over to his house and went into the bathroom while he was shaving with a towel wrapped around his waist.
His mother proceeded to use the toilet while he was in the bathroom.
I was appalled and exclaimed, “Oh my God!” Her retort was, “We’re a very close family.” I find it creepy and beyond a little strange that she would use the bathroom while her son was shaving. He talks to her about five times a day and says she is his best friend. — Concerned
Dear Concerned: I agree with you that this bathroom business crosses a line that even “best friends” don’t normally cross.
Those “Oh my God” alarm bells you hear ringing provide you with an excellent starting point to a conversation you and your fiance should have about boundaries.
It is quite clear from this incident that if you marry your fiance, you will also be marrying his mother. God forbid if she also grows to feel close enough to you to apply her best-friend bathroom privileges when you’re using it.
I would say that a 44-year-old man who has this sort of relationship with his mother would not easily alter it. You may well end up as the interloper between these best friends. Be forewarned.
Dear Amy: Recently, I was looking at my husband’s e-mail from work.
I found a couple of e-mails he sent to a woman friend of his. He was very flirtatious and even asked her to go to a party with him — just the two of them (I wasn’t mentioned).
I confronted him, and he said it was harmless. I also confronted her, and she, too, said it was harmless. But she told me not to tell her husband.
I want to believe them, but I am having a really hard time. My husband says that he has never cheated on me and that it was just a silly ego-stroking e-mail.
What should I do and how should I take the e-mails? — Worried Wife
Dear Worried: You and your husband need to figure out why he is looking elsewhere to have his ego stroked. Both he and his female friend knew that these e-mails crossed the line — otherwise she wouldn’t have asked you to conceal it.
Your husband can ease your mind by being totally transparent about his correspondence. You can take this “smoking gun” to mean that you and your husband have some work to do on your relationship. A professional counselor could help you have the conversation.
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