Dear Amy: The ongoing conversation about creative gift-giving for the holidays has prompted me to share an utterly delightful approach to the traditional “white elephant” gift exchange.
Last Christmas, we threw a party for about 20 good friends.
Each person was secretly assigned the name of another guest, for whom they were to bring a gift. Here’s the catch: Each person brought a new, wrapped child’s toy that represented something about the recipient. The cop received a light-up cruiser; the real estate agent got a dollhouse; the farmer got a toy tractor; etc. We had a blast laughing about what each gift represented about each of us. Then, all of these fabulous toys went to our local homeless shelter for the children’s holiday party.
This year, we’re revisiting this theme, only this time each person is bringing a gift that represents something about what they were like as a child (we’ll have fun guessing which gift came from whom). It’s a playful way to get to know one another better and brings joy to everyone, especially the children for whom Christmas might be very sparse otherwise. — “Barbie”
Dear Barbie: This is the best “white elephant” idea I’ve ever heard. Way to go!
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for a long time. I am an early riser and sit at the kitchen table with my coffee and newspaper each morning long before my husband gets up. Recently I heard him coming down the hall and spontaneously slumped over the table with my eyes half-closed.
He entered the kitchen and did not increase his stride as he came toward me. He poked my shoulder with his finger and said, “Are you all right?” I didn’t respond and he stood watching me for several seconds. He never checked to see if I had a pulse or if I was breathing. He walked around my chair and stood looking at me. After at least two minutes I lifted my head and said, “That was a test, and you flunked it.” It was very clear that he was not going to get emergency help.
I’ve gone into sudden cardiac arrest more than once when he was not present. I expected him to show some alarm and pick up the phone and start to dial 911.
I am totally crushed and am contemplating a divorce. I am extremely depressed that in my golden years I have this burden.
What is your take? — Shrinking Violet
Dear Violet: I find your situation alarming, but perhaps for a different reason than you might expect. I assume that you feel you were driven to conduct this “test” on your husband because you have become invisible to him, but your test made a mockery out of a very real medical condition. Don’t “cry wolf” with your own health.
You should respect your own situation and seek appropriate professional treatment for your depression and other medical conditions right away.
I agree with you that your husband’s poking you in the arm is not an appropriate reaction to a medical condition. I understand how disappointed you must feel, but presumably you set him up because you suspected that he would react as he did. Now what? Please make sure that your husband knows what to do in case of a medical emergency. Your marriage also needs some serious 911. His neglect and your passive aggression make for a very unhappy and unhealthy combination.
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