Dear Amy: My ex-husband and I were married for five years. Our daughter was born two years into our marriage and it was the beginning of the end for us.
We weren’t very good parents together. We began counseling at my insistence. My husband “just didn’t like it” and decided after only two or three sessions that we wouldn’t be returning.
I had an affair with a man I worked with. He and I are married now and expecting our first child. Unfortunately, I find that my relationship with my ex-husband is much closer than that of my new husband and me.
My new husband has changed greatly from the man that I left my family for. He now seems afraid to express his feelings or discuss our relationship. He is resentful because he believes my relationship with my ex is “inappropriate.” My ex-husband is my best friend.
I love my husband and truly want (need) this marriage to work. Does this second marriage have a chance? I have suggested counseling, but my husband does not believe it’s necessary. — Lonely Pregnant Bride
Dear Lonely: Government statistics show that the failure rate for second marriages is slightly higher than that for first marriages, so, yes — the odds of your second marriage working aren’t in your favor.
The common denominator between your two failed (or failing) marriages is you. I agree that counseling is a very good idea. You should start as soon as you can, with or without your husband.
Your husband is right. Your ex should not be your “best friend.” That’s what spouses are supposed to be.
Dear Amy: As we are Jewish and do not celebrate Christmas, a friend of ours has come up with an excellent way of giving to charity while having fun at the same time.
She has an annual potluck get-together on Dec 25. We each bring a small, wrapped gift, either some “white elephant” lying around the house, or a small purchased item. She then “auctions” them off (generally starting at about $1). The beautifully wrapped items usually fetch the most money, even though they sometimes contain the tackiest items! We open them immediately and choose a charity or two to donate all the money. There are usually 15 to 20 people at this event, so we have raised as much as $500, all while laughing till our sides ache. — LW in Maryland
Dear LW: A terrific idea. Thank you for sharing it!
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