Writers? NBC doesn’t need any stinkin’ writers.
The network has figured several cunning strategies it hopes will override the need for those people who supply all those creative, you know, words.
Here’s a short course, considering just one innovative network’s road map to the writerless future, in what we can expect from the small screen should this strike continue as, by all accounts, seems likely.
• First, titillation and vigilantism sell. “To Catch a Predator” returns Dec. 28, with Chris Hansen and the “Dateline” sting operation set up in Kentucky to nab men who’ve been trolling for sex online. This primetime eye candy manages to have it both ways: sounding high-minded in its purpose, exposing Internet solicitation of minors, while wallowing in the gutter in terms of the gotcha visuals. On-camera confessions, entrapment and other not-so legal methods haven’t gotten in the way of “Predator’s” success, with the network operating in league with the volunteer organization Perverted Justice. Who needs writers when Hansen’s on a sting?
• Second, that old standby “repurposing” is easy and cost-effective. NBC will borrow the basic cable shows “Monk” and “Psych” from sister network USA, for its air. Repurposing, also known as airing reruns on a different platform, will mean the new episodes will appear first on USA in January 2008, then on NBC Sunday nights in March.
• Third, and really, the most obvious: So-called “reality” programming is cheap and ready to be used as wallpaper. NBC plans 11 hours of unscripted primetime programming a week in the first quarter of 2008.
You already know about “Deal or No Deal,” “1 vs. 100,” “The Celebrity Apprentice” and the updated “American Gladiators,” coming Jan. 6.
Here’s a new one: “Baby Borrowers,” premiering Feb. 18, puts actual babies in the care of teenage couples in an experiment in teaching responsibility. A controversial reality series borrowed from British TV, it fast-forwards through a lifetime of parental issues over the course of six weeks, from dealing with an infant to raising a toddler to managing a pre-teen, a teenager, all the way to a senior citizen. (Why the couple would be taking care of their own child as a senior citizen is just one more imponderable).
• Fourth, when all else fails, prey on America’s fat-consciousness. The network announced this week its “Biggest Loser” will launch Jan. 1 with “a challenge for America to lose 1 million pounds!” Start by losing the exclamation points.
To supplement the competition, and further marginalize writers, the show will feature a social-networking element on MSN, in-show user generated content, sweepstakes and “tour events in America’s fattest cities.” Thankfully, we will be spared.
For this fifth season, teams of two — mother and son, husband and wife, best friends, brothers, a divorced couple and former football teammates — will compete, and slugs on the couch at home will be encouraged to team up with a partner to lose weight.
With NBC’s late-night hosts Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien coming back Jan. 2 without writers, as the network announced this week, viewers can expect heavily ad libbed, unscripted interviews and no monologues at bedtime.
The open question regarding the late-night shows is whether some actors may boycott, in a demonstration of support for striking writers. If that happens, expect second- and third-tier authors promoting books and D-list celebrities occupying the seat next to the hosts.
Really, just because Johnny Carson returned to the air after two months during the last strike doesn’t mean that’s how it must be done. The decision by Leno and O’Brien to return and keep their staffs employed seems arbitrary and counter to the interests of the larger number of striking writers.
In any case, the continuing strike could do more than make this the dreariest year on record for broadcast television, ruining a season that was already rather bleak. It has the potential to devastate an industry already undergoing massive change.
Joanne Ostrow: 303-954-1830 or jostrow@denverpost.com
