Dear Amy: My 35-year-old son, “James,” and his significant other, “Charlotte,” lived together for several years as a registered common-law couple.
They have a 7-month-old baby girl, “Laura.” Recently Charlotte told James that she wants to separate, ostensibly because they are on different spiritual paths.
James’ profession requires that he be far away for the next eight months. He adores his daughter and wants to take her with him during some of that time. Charlotte is accommodating this plan. In the meantime, James talks to Laura often on the phone — with Charlotte’s help.
I will be living near Charlotte and the baby for the next five months and hope to help out and spend time with Laura — and Charlotte is receptive to this too. She also has a mother and three siblings nearby who can help, as well as a loving nanny during the weekdays when Charlotte is working.
I wonder whether being separated from her father, and then her mother, for large chunks of time will be harmful to the baby.
I have suggested that James and Charlotte should get computer programs that allow Laura to see as well as talk to her absent parent, but I have no idea if this would help.
Do you have any advice about what, if anything, I can do to make things better for Laura and her parents? — Concerned Grandma
Dear Concerned: Baby “Laura” is surrounded by love — parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and a great nanny. The emotional stability and relationships among the adults in her life will be the biggest factor in her emotional development.
Web cams can be a wonderful way to communicate when families are separated, but both of these parents should be mindful that for some very young children, seeing but not being with the absent parent can frustrate or upset them. These parents need to see under what conditions their baby does the best, and then they should accommodate her needs.
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