With less than 48 hours before the real St. Nick arrives, I thought it appropriate to again don the old man’s suit and pass out some gifts to our friends in politics.
They give so much to editorial writers all year long, it’s good to give something back.
As always, this list includes those who have been naughty and nice. After all, we wouldn’t have much of a list without those who have been naughty.
So pull up a yule log and pass the good cheer, we’ll start with those presidential candidates who already have consumed our whole year:
For Hillary Clinton, a one-year subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine. According to its website, it’s “your ultimate handbook for self-discovery and living well.” Hey, it seems to be working for Obama.
For Fred Thompson, who appears to have peaked before he ever announced his bid, another season on “Law & Order.”
For John Edwards, derided by Republicans as “The Breck Girl” long before we knew of his $400 haircuts, a gift card to Supercuts. For just a few bucks, he can get the exact same haircut.
For Mitt Romney, a 2-point bump in the polls. No, wait, Tom Tancredo already gave him that.
For Barack Obama, nothing. Apparently, he has all the “presents” he needs. He voted “present” 130 times in the Illinois legislature rather than “yes” or “no” on some thorny issues.
For Rudy Giuliani, the “ex-wife chew toy” available on the Internet for your pooch. He may need a few.
And for those closer to home:
For Congressman Tancredo, a windmill. With his quixotic bid for president over, he needs something to tilt at.
For Ken Salazar, a fancy suit and power tie. He may need it for a very important photo-op in Denver should he find himself on the Democratic presidential ticket come August.
For Diana DeGette, a T-shirt that reads, “I went to Congress and all I got was this lousy veto. Twice.”
For Gov. Bill Ritter, a copy of “Norma Rae” on DVD.
For Mike Coffman, paper ballots and purple paint. The Marine- turned-secretary of state helped run elections in Baghdad, and with all of the electronic voting problems in Colorado, it’s not much of a stretch to think we could be voting with paper ballots. Next up: Purple paint for our index fingers, just like in Iraq.
For Jared Polis, a campaign for Congress where his sexuality is not an issue.
For Rep.-elect Douglas Bruce, a pocket calendar with Jan. 9 circled in red. That way, he knows exactly when the new legislative session begins.
For first-term Congressman Ed Perlmutter, some visibility. The poor fellow had to fly to Iraq to get a headline.
For Mark Udall and Bob Schaffer, a good clean left versus right fight, without those pesky “independent” 527 groups attacking two good men.
For John Hickenlooper, one whole year without having to shill for something in a campaign commercial. Or is that a gift for the rest of us?
For Rep. Joe Rice, D-Littleton and Sen. Steve Ward, R-Arapahoe County, two legislators serving in Iraq, peace.
Without them, and all those brave men and women who serve with them and before them, we wouldn’t have the free and open political process that we enjoy, and that allows for silly little columns like this.
Merry Christmas.
Dan Haley can be reached at dhaley@denverpost.com.
