Dear Amy:</strong I'm responding to a letter in your column from "Christmas Grinch," the childless aunt who was upset because her sister declared that their gift exchange would now be "children only."
About five years ago, my very orthodox sister made the “family decision” that Hanukkah gifts would only be given to the children “from now on.” As a person who thoroughly enjoys shopping for others and giving gifts, I have to tell you that this was a holiday-ender for me.
The family went along because nobody wanted to seem greedy or be the one to expect a gift. By the second year, the family no longer even gathered to light the menorah, and now, with all the children in college, the holiday does not even get acknowledged by most of us.
Gifts may seem commercial, but the fun and teasing and thoughts really made the gatherings memorable. Now, we hardly celebrate anything.
Before any one member of a family is permitted to make a “no adult” gift rule, please remember that not only are some family members childless, but also our children will not always be home for the holidays. Bringing gifts was one activity that kept us together.
Sometimes the string that binds is a curling ribbon. — No Festival
Dear Festival: No one wants gift-giving “rules” imposed upon them. But I would hope that your family would come to realize that gathering together to worship and celebrate is an end unto itself.
I’ve enjoyed letters from readers offering “alternatives” to the holiday gift frenzy; most say that they’re far happier without the pressure of finding the perfect gift. They reflect that the best gifts aren’t those tied with curling ribbon but those that create memories and traditions.
Dear Amy: There are four grown children in my family. Three of us had children, and one couple did not.
The couple that did not have kids bought gifts for all of the children, and we did not want them to feel as though their efforts were not appreciated.
At Christmas we each contributed money on behalf of the children (even $5 to $10 is fine), and then my sister and I bought a gift for the couple that had no children from all of the children with a nice note. I know that the thought was appreciated.
Now our own children are grown, and we know that just being with everyone is the greatest gift of all. — No Grinch Here
Dear No Grinch: Your idea to give a gift on behalf of all of the children is very thoughtful.
Dear Amy: With so many people experiencing hard times, what do you think of giving a gift card for life’s necessities, such as one from a grocery store, gasoline brand or pharmacy? I’m sure that these people would appreciate help with life’s basic necessities. — Santa’s Helper
Dear Helper: This is a wonderful idea. I also like the idea of stepping up to pay for one or two months’ worth of utilities during this cold winter.
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