Dear Amy: I am a high school junior and have dated the same guy since my freshman year.
I never in a million years thought that we would end up being together for a long time, but for some reason we did, and I am quite happy and grateful that we are so close.
He is going to college next year. He is going to go close to home, but still, college is a separate world from where I am.
He could have applied to more colleges farther away from here. He’s staying close for me, and he has no intentions of ever ending this relationship.
I know that breaking up when he goes away would hurt him deeply; we have broken up before for a short period, and it hurt both of us, especially him. Should I cut the cord when he leaves because it would be best for him not to have a girlfriend waiting for him back home while he is having a good time? Am I freaking out over nothing? — Worried Teen
Dear Worried: You have expended a great deal of energy trying to figure out what is best for your boyfriend.
But the joys of being in a loving relationship and being so generous to another person are balanced by the responsibilities you have to yourself. You should not end this relationship for your boyfriend’s sake, because it isn’t up to you to decide what is best for him. You should end it if it no longer works for you. The burden is on you to explore your own feelings and motivations — and choose to do what’s best for you, even if it’s very difficult to do so.
Dear Amy: My daughter is getting married in a few months. My younger brother and his wife have been married for 15 miserable years. From the day they were married, my sister-in-law has managed to make every family function a nightmare by fighting, creating controversy and disrespecting my parents. We are a close family of five brothers and sisters and many cousins. We only see them two to three times a year.
They are staying together for the kids, he says, but frankly he has no say in the matter. I don’t want to invite her to my daughter’s wedding. Would this be out of line?
We want this to be a joyous time and everyone there to be a well-wisher.
Am I being unreasonable? My daughter and sisters agree with me. — Had Enough in Calif.
Dear Had enough: If you don’t mind hurting your brother and creating a family rift with a sibling who probably needs your support, then go ahead and create your dream guest list. But you should know that it is not only bad manners to deliberately exclude a sibling’s spouse, but it is also a denial of what families really are. Even the easiest families have their share of challenging characters.
Your sister-in-law sounds like a nightmare, but I’m wondering if there are strategies you could employ to eliminate or at least minimize any trouble she might be able to cause. Perhaps she and your brother could be seated with people they are compatible with and her interaction with other family members kept deliberately short.
For some perspective on your problem, as well as strategies to try, you could read “When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People: Surviving Your Family and Keeping Your Sanity” by Leonard Felder (2005, Rodale).
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