Dear Amy: There seems to be a definite pattern in the letters that appear in your column regarding folks who are not married but are living together or are in “serious” relationships and having sex.
Could you tell me when this behavior ceased being considered immoral? When I was a young man, we all knew that these things happened, but everyone also knew that they were immoral acts.
It cannot be that, just because these activities are no longer illegal, they are now considered to be acceptable.
Imagine, as an example, an elderly widow who adds her only son as a co-owner of her considerable bank account, and the no-good son promptly cleans out the account at the first opportunity and absconds with the widow’s money. No one would consider this a moral act, even though it is quite legal.
So could you help me to understand why sex outside of marriage is now considered to be a morally neutral act if it is between consenting adults? — Richard
Dear Richard: Comparing sex between consenting, committed and rational adults to ripping off an old lady is a new twist to an old story. I presume the popular cultural opinion about this matter has shifted because when people stopped to ponder the moral question, they couldn’t figure out why it would be necessary for society to pass judgment on an activity that simply doesn’t enter the public sphere.
Individuals (yourself included, of course) should be able to set their own moral compass and live by the moral, ethical, cultural or religious dictates they choose — within the reasonable standard of lawfulness.
Dear Amy: Each year, a member of my family hosts a family reunion.
This year, my uncle’s widow was the hostess. She is a wonderful person, and since my uncle passed away several years ago, she has stepped up to the plate in a big way. She takes the time to allow a large bunch of family members to come to her home.
My partner and I were unable to attend this recent reunion because of a work-related obligation. We sent flowers to the aunt’s home, just to say that we were thinking of everyone.
The disappointing thing about this matter is that neither my partner nor I have received a phone call or note acknowledging the flowers. The only way we found out that flowers had been delivered was by calling the florist to confirm it. They were delivered at 10:30 the morning of the reunion.
It has been a week today since the reunion, and still nothing. Are we wrong to assume that we should have received something by way of thanks — be it a phone call or note? — Left Out in Florida
Dear Left out: It is understandable that you are eager to see your gesture recognized, but wasn’t it an expression of congratulations and gratitude in the first place? For you, this family reunion seems to have become all about your flowers.
You should charitably assume that this older family member has had her hands full over the last several days. You should give her a call to check in and see how the reunion was. When you call, say, “I hope you received our flowers, Aunt Grace — we were so sorry to miss the event.” This will give her a chance to thank you.
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