Dear Amy: My mother cooked every meal to death while I was growing up. Meats were well-done, overcooked and terribly dry, and I didn’t understand what the big deal was about having steak for dinner, much less a “juicy” steak.
This changed after college, when I moved away and met and married a wonderful man who cooks. I was able to finally appreciate a succulent pork chop or tender filet mignon.
Now, when we visit my parents, Mom insists on preparing good cuts of steak to serve us.
We appreciate her wanting to cook for us, but the meals are just really bad.
Should I just sit down, shut up and eat whatever is on my plate? Or should I insist on taking the family out for dinner? — Not Hungry
Dear Not: You and your husband could offer to “host” your parents for a meal during your stay — doing all of the shopping, cooking and cleaning for one dinner. Present this as an expression of gratitude for their hospitality.
Otherwise, suck it up. As an adult, your primary object during a visit home should be to make your parents happy.
Dear Amy: We have friends who, for the second time, are coming to visit us for three days before our leaving on a trip they know about.
This is a real imposition, as we now have to not only entertain and cook for them but have to clean the house for them, get the guest room ready, do our laundry, get haircuts, clean out the refrigerator and pack our clothes.
Last time they called to say they were coming, I said it might be better to come another time as we wouldn’t have quality time to spend with them. They came anyway! I find it hard to say that it is inconvenient to come and for them to make other plans. I don’t want to lose their friendship. Help! — Ticked Off
Dear Ticked Off: If your friendship hinges on your tolerating what you find intolerable, then it’s not really a friendship.
One trick to refusing your hospitality is to wrap it within an invitation. Try, “Oh — the timing for a visit then is really bad, but let’s get out our calendars and find a date that works better for everyone.” Your friend won’t even know what hit her.
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