Dear Amy: My husband and I had a tough few years. In addition to other problems, I have had two miscarriages and got very depressed. My husband didn’t want to talk about it and told me to get over it. Then the bigger problems started. My husband started gambling. Last year he gambled away almost $5,000. We argued like crazy. I almost left him for this.
About six months ago, I crossed paths with an ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago. My husband and I were barely speaking; I was depressed and lost. One thing led to another and we had sex.
I love my husband and realized that I didn’t want to give up on my marriage without a fight, and I didn’t want to have my family torn apart by a divorce.
I gave my husband an ultimatum that we need to either get counseling or figure out what went wrong with us. We both called in sick to work, both of our kids were in school, and we talked for about three hours about anything and everything that was bothering us.
We have finally opened the lines of communication. We now talk about everything.
The last time my husband gambled was about a year ago. We now make time for us. We have a better relationship as a family than what we had before.
I haven’t confessed to the encounter with this ex-boyfriend. I am afraid that this will ruin what I’ve achieved with my husband.
This ex-boyfriend calls me quite a bit, and I have told him that I want to be friends but nothing more. The ex accepts it for a while but then keeps on trying to set up things with me.
I don’t want to lose this ex as a friend, but I get frustrated when our conversations go from innocent to sexual.
Should I confess this to my husband and risk losing him? Or should I cut off all communication with this ex and bury this horrible mistake so that I could focus 100 percent on my marriage and family? — M
Dear M: Congratulations on repairing your marriage, but you’re not quite done. It’s time to ditch the boyfriend. You should not be in touch with this ex for any reason. He is no friend to you or to your marriage.
My view is that you should probably not tell your husband about this encounter, but if you choose to do so, involve a professional counselor to mediate the conversation. There is always a chance, of course, that your ex-boyfriend could get angry and out you — that’s an anxiety you’re going to have to live with.
Dear Amy: My 27-year-old son is planning to be married soon. He and his fiancee are paying for their own wedding.
At a recent holiday gathering of my wife’s extended family, my wife’s brother approached my son and his fiancee and offered them a “proposition.” He said that because it would cost his family about $600 to fly to the wedding, they could either attend the wedding or send a gift, but not both.
My son was shocked, and he told his uncle to “do what is in your heart.” When my brother-in law pressed him for a decision, my son told him that he would get back to him.
How do you think my son should handle this situation? — Irritated
Dear Irritated: So far, your son has handled this perfectly. I would suggest that he now leave this issue behind. He doesn’t need to get back to his uncle, but he can send him an invitation when the time comes.
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