Dear Amy: I work for a large company.
One of my “techie” co-workers stumbled upon a website in which our co-worker “Carol’s” husband posted pictures of her wearing lingerie. This was on his own website, in which he claims to be a photographer (in fact, he is an accountant).
Carol is an administrator at our company. The pictures of her were extremely embarrassing. Her husband also included pictures of other women that he paid (according to the website) to pose semi-nude.
It appears obvious from the pictures that the husband is or was “romantically” involved with at least one of the models. He also included pictures of Carol’s children from her first marriage (in fashion or sporting categories).
The husband used his real name, hometown and identified Carol by her fairly distinctive nickname.
We have no idea if Carol knows about the site, but we find it hard to believe she would have willingly allowed herself to be embarrassed in this manner. Shortly after my co-worker discovered the site, the pictures of Carol and her children were deleted from the site.
Should we tell Carol about the site? I believe that because the pictures of her and her children have been deleted from the site, there is no point in upsetting her.
My co-worker thinks we should tell Carol, supposedly so she realizes the type of person she is married to and because printed copies of the pictures are still being passed around by office personnel behind her back. We have agreed to abide by your recommendation. — In a Quandary
Dear Quandary: You have to consider the idea that “Carol” might be a willing party to her husband’s photography business (he can be both an accountant and a photographer, by the way). This may not be as embarrassing to her as you imagine — though the reaction to these photos is definitely an embarrassment. Your workplace sounds like a toxic environment. Passing around and snickering over these photos is considered sexual harassment.
Carol should be told about this, but because of what sounds like the widespread nature of this stupidity, and because she might be your supervisor, you should take your concerns to HR and a representative should speak with her privately.
This is potentially quite serious. Your company may have to do some damage control to try to avoid a sexual-harassment lawsuit.
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