Dear Amy: I need a little help with my “private life.” “Jerry” and I have been married for 18 months. We met on an adult website with only the intention of having fun, but after several years a relationship developed.
Overall, Jerry is a great guy. The problem? Jerry is awful in bed. He does not care about my satisfaction, only his own.
I have been telling him for some time now what I need, and he has never complied. I am clean, dress nicely, wear perfume he loves and present myself well.
I finally told him I cannot do this anymore and ended that part of our relationship because the emotions are too hard to deal with.
He went to counseling, where they recommended a book for us to read, and he thinks this will solve everything.
I don’t think you can make someone “want” you after a few good pages in a book.
What should I do? — Feeling Lonely
Dear Lonely: You are desperate enough to give up completely on your sexual life, and yet not willing to take the small effort required to read a book? You each deserve to have a partner who is willing to make some changes to please the other. You can’t know what will work until you try.
Dear Amy: My daughter is going to get married this fall. Our family recently moved from New Jersey, where the vast majority of wedding gifts are in the form of a check.
Now we live in Denver, and the vast majority of wedding gifts seem to be just that — gifts. My daughter is very particular and not interested in the gifts, but she could use the money.
It might seem a bit uncaring and unappreciative, but how would she get the word out that cash is more appreciated? — A Practical Family
Dear Practical: There is no polite way to ask for cash. If people ask your daughter what she and her fiance would like to receive for a wedding gift, she can tell them they’d prefer cash. Saying, “Hey, sue us, we’re from New Jersey” might enlighten but won’t endear you to your Denver friends.
Dear Amy: My mother committed suicide when I was 15 years old.
Periodically I find that I am at a loss what to say to people when they inquire about her. Most of the friends I’ve made as an adult don’t know, and I really don’t feel they need to know.
My mother battled depression for many years, and I believe that the treatments 40 years ago weren’t as effective in treating the illness as they are today. There still is stigma associated with suicide. I don’t want anyone to pity me or to think poorly of my mother, either.
I find myself tongue-tied when people inquire about my mother’s death. They’ll say: “You were so young. How did she die?” At this point I either say she died from an illness or an accident. It bothers me to be evasive.
I have a 4-year-old child and am not sure what to tell him when he gets older. Depression does run in our family, so he should know about this. — What to Say
Dear What: You don’t have to explain anything to anyone just because they ask, but if you want to be a little less evasive, you can say something like, “Unfortunately, my mother suffered from depression for many years before she passed away.” You are correct that you should talk to your son about this. You can explain your mother’s death by saying that she had a serious illness in her brain that caused her to die. When he gets older, describe your mother’s depression and tell him that her illness caused her to take her life. Answer any questions he has.
For more information you can check the Suicide Awareness Voices of Education’s website at .
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
