Dear Amy: I’m having trouble ending a relationship.
I got a job that will move me across the country in a few months, and after taking a long look at my current boyfriend, I have realized that as much as I love him, he is not my future husband.
We’ve been together almost three years, and he and I have both worked hard at trying to make this work. In the past, he has followed me wherever my work has taken me. When I got this new job, I think he assumed he would come along again.
We have essentially had the first “breakup” talk, but I wasn’t as clear as I would have liked because he stormed out. It hurts to see him so upset, and I’m worried I will cave as I’ve done before. How do I do this tactfully and thoughtfully and stay strong? — Me
Dear Me: Start the process with a definite plan. Tell your guy you’re moving, tell him you’re going alone and tell him that you hope you can remain friends but that you’ll understand if he can’t do that.
Don’t blame him for what’s happening. You’re just going to have to be brave enough to face the fact that you are hurting somebody.
Dear Amy: I am responding to “Friend in a Fix,” who was concerned about being present in the delivery room while her friend delivered a baby. Your response started off with the statement that “Evidently, your friend is having children without the benefit of fathers in their lives.” As a single mother by choice (“SMC”), I am troubled and offended by the negative attitude that you have taken in response to the possibility that this woman might have made the difficult decision to have children as a single mother.
As any SMC will tell you, there are many reasons women choose to have children without a father’s involvement, and we do not take this decision lightly.
We strongly desire to be mothers and are raising our kids in loving and nurturing homes. To assume that having a father in and of itself is a “benefit” to a child is an overgeneralization, as is assuming that a child without a father is deprived. — Proud SMC
Dear SMC: Speaking as a SMNBC (single mother not by choice), I admit to holding the view that in general two loving parents are better than one.
The contents of my mailbag (and my own experience) has shown me that there are no ideal or perfect families, no matter how many parents are in the home, but I won’t apologize for advocating for fathers to be involved.
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