Dear Amy: A few weeks ago my friend “Darla” was out of town for the weekend.
I spotted her boyfriend at a bar/restaurant with another woman, being overly familiar. He could not keep his hands off of her, smiled at her lovingly and kissed her.
Amy, years ago my husband had an affair with his secretary. I was the last to find out. The betrayal was doubled knowing that co-workers and friends knew and no one told me.
How should I deal with this? I’d like to be anonymous. — Anxious Friend
Dear Anxious: This sort of scenario presents an extreme challenge to a friendship, but because of your own personal experience you are in a position to understand how your friend might feel if you didn’t tell her about this and she found out later.
Don’t do so anonymously, however. That’s cowardly. You should say to “Darla,” “I’m sure you know how I felt when I learned my husband was cheating on me and nobody told me. I told myself then that I would never withhold information like that from a friend. Because of that I’m going to tell you that I saw Bill out with someone else while you were away.” You should spare Darla the full details about the canoodling. After that, it is up to Darla to sort out her own mess.
Dear Amy: I want to share some of my personal tips for safe online dating.
This is how I felt safe meeting any acquaintance I made over the Internet: I printed a copy of the online profile. I wrote other details on the profile that I had learned from our e-mails, such as his name and telephone number. Then I let someone else know where I was going, who I was meeting and when. That person also knew where she could find the printed profile.
I had a friend call me sometime during the meeting. I let my date know that someone else also knew of our meeting.
Sometimes the “date” would be broken because of this, and that was just fine by me. More often than not, the acquaintance would ask what other information I needed in order to feel safe. Two years later, I met my last acquaintance. He is my “sweet patootie.” — Taken in Tulsa
Dear Taken: Your suggestions are excellent. In my experience, it also makes sense to meet in a public place, not consume alcohol, and be deliberate about your behavior.
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