Dear Amy: My husband and I moved to Virginia about seven years ago.
Since then we have made several friendships with other couples that are also from out of state. We became particularly close with one couple, but we have grown apart the past few years.
It all started when we began having children and they did not. They have a 1-year-old now, and we thought that their having a child would bring us closer together, but it didn’t. We invite one another to big events, but it feels as if we are doing so out of obligation.
She and I periodically meet for lunch or go to the spa for the day. Her husband and mine never do anything together. Before the children, we would go out to dinner at least once a month with them.
What bugs us most is that in the seven years we’ve known one another, they have had us over to their place only three times, whereas we have had them over at least 20 times.
It is a relationship that involves too much effort and a lot of disappointment.
How do I demote a friendship to just girlfriends having lunch? — Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: You might not have to demote this couple. It sounds as if they have demoted you.
Friendships, like all other relationships, change. They wax and wane and sometimes simply cease to exist.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to include these people in the important events of your lives if they don’t reciprocate. Simply cross them off the master invite list.
Dear Amy: I was pleased with your response to “Concerned Mom” regarding what to do when young children misbehave in public.
When my twin boys were young, we left many restaurants and fun places when they would misbehave. There was no discussion, no reasoning.
Just as you recommended, I would say, “Your behavior is unacceptable, and we are leaving.”
When my children were 4, one of the twins was diagnosed with cancer. Going to a “kid friendly” place was out of the question because of the risk of germs.
What a relief it was to be able to go out to dinner if I was too tired to cook and to get compliments from managers who were so pleased to have such nice young guests.
My children are now 9 and healthy and happy. My work when my children were younger paid off. — Julianne
Dear Julianne: It is no fun to “scoop and run” with a shrieking toddler, but doing so, even a few times, demonstrates that a parent means business.
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