Dear Margo: My father and mother divorced when I was 18, and I am fine with that. This was 20 years ago and I am now 38. My father remarried a few years ago and his wife is trying to control how I raise my child. I wouldn’t mind so much if she were not so nasty about it. She screams and yells at me over the phone, and then when we visit, she does the same thing. Not only does she scream at me, but also at my husband, and with our daughter in the room! I understand my daughter is a bit overweight, and that we need to do something about it, but I do not feel this woman has a right to make me absolutely miserable about it all the time. What can I do to get her to stop? I am 38 years old and feel I should not have to put up with this kind of uncivil behavior. I do not want to alienate my father, but I am tired of being treated this way. — Completely Fed Up
Dear Comp: You don’t want to alienate your father? What is he doing during these scream fests? I am not sure why you continue to visit, or answer the phone, for that matter, when your stepmother’s mode of communication is to holler at you. You mention your child’s weight as figuring into this drama. If your daughter is allowed to eat Ho Hos and Twinkies nonstop, then your father’s wife unfortunately has a point, though God knows she is making it the wrong way. I would bag the visits and tell your father his spouse’s manner of discourse is not acceptable to you. And P.S.: Habitual screamers have always struck me as borderline batty, so you would be wise to steer clear anyway. — Margo, turbulently
Is an Intervention Called For?
Dear Margo: My stepdaughter is a sophomore at a major Midwestern university. I’ve noticed that lately she has been rather secretive about her social life. While I didn’t think much of it before, I now have reason for concern. It seems a trustee at this college has taken a liking to my daughter, to the point of sending her gifts and taking her to university basketball games as his guest. (She never took an interest in basketball before.) While I, on one hand, have to trust that my daughter is aware of the ramifications of her actions, how do I ensure there is no hanky-panky going on without harming her chances at a very competitive college? — In a Quandary
Dear In: Now you’ve got me thinking: While many educational institutions have rules prohibiting students from dating faculty, I don’t know where a trustee would fit in. If this man is a geezer and not age-appropriate, then I think your stepdaughter is in over her head and the powers that be might want the association to end. The fact that your sophomore has become secretive tells me she believes there is something unseemly about the relationship. (Because of her secrecy, the gifts and the new interest in b-ball, I would guess this is the case.) You should inquire whether this university has a policy in place about trustees dating students. Then, if you find that all the trustees are old enough to be her father, you must become a benevolent despot and tell her she is in a situation from which she must extricate herself. Nowhere is it written that a child away at school is freed from parental oversight. — Margo, investigatively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
