Dear Amy: I am an 81-year-old man who lost his beloved wife two years ago. I was a loving and faithful husband. I took care of my wife during her illnesses over her last two years. I was there for her every day, morning until night.
After she died I was lonely and depressed. I took the advice of relatives and started to go out. I went to the senior citizens center and met a woman my age. We started to develop a friendship six months after my wife died.
The lady I’m seeing has a daughter who believes that because her mother and I started to date six months — instead of a year — after my wife’s death this was disrespectful.
She wants her mother to have nothing to do with me. I feel terrible about this. I feel I did nothing wrong.
I honestly don’t know how much time I have left, and I just want friendship and companionship with someone. If I found this six months instead of a year after my wife’s death, is that so wrong? — Ben
Dear Ben: The only thing wrong here is a daughter weighing in on a matter that really shouldn’t concern her.
If you and your female companion are happy, and if your relationship is healthy and mutually delightful and beneficial, then there is no reason you shouldn’t both enjoy it.
Talk this over with your friend and learn her views about your relationship. If she wants to be with you and you want to be with her, then blessings to you both.
Dear Amy: I have been married to my wife for more than 40 years. I love her as much today as the day we married. However, more often than not I feel like the loneliest person on the planet.
My wife has a sister who lives in another state. She is divorced and lives alone. This sister calls no fewer than 25 times a week, and they talk for at least 30 minutes or more each time. There is absolutely no respect for the time of day, including the dinner hour.
This person expects my wife to spend all holidays with her, either at her home or someone else’s. This is causing a problem in our marriage. We often can’t even finish a conversation related to our own family without being interrupted. What should I do? — Lonely Guy
Dear Lonely: This situation cries out for limits and boundaries, but you won’t have either unless your wife agrees with you that your marriage and household should come first.
It is a fairly simple matter for a person to put the word out that she doesn’t take phone calls during the dinner hour. It’s also easy not to answer the phone at inopportune times; that’s what answering machines and voice mail are for. If you don’t have one of these, I suggest you acquire it.
If she won’t agree to a simple compromise, you should ask her to enter counseling with you so you can both have your say in a neutral environment.
Dear Amy: I am throwing a “Sweet 16” birthday party for my niece.
She said that she doesn’t want gifts from her friends but would instead like cash, checks or gift certificates.
Is it appropriate to include this request when we send out the invitation? — Kelly in New Jersey
Dear Kelly: It is not appropriate to ask for any gift on an invitation. Your gift to your niece should be this important lesson in simple courtesy.
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