Dear Margo: I am writing about those (expletive) cell phones. They have now put me in a situation. My husband and I were having dinner at our house with his brother and sister-in-law. After dinner, we moved to the living room for coffee and dessert. My s-i-l’s cell phone rang (well, actually, it played a song) and she started to talk to her sister. It was nothing pressing, I can assure you. After about 10 minutes of giving her the evil eye and trying to have a three-way conversation, I guess I lost it and yelled, “Get off that phone!” She ended the call, and then her lip started to quiver. They left soon after. Now my husband says I owe her an apology. What do you think? — Ginger in the Heartland
Dear Gin: I think talking on a cell phone when other people are close by is boorish, inconsiderate and shows lousy judgment like singing along at the opera. In a social situation, it is beyond rude to take calls unless you are a medical doctor. Added to which, people tend to talk louder when they’re on a cell (as though maybe it’s a connection between two Dixie cups on either end of a string) so the problem is, literally, amplified. I, like you, have lost it occasionally, but apologizing afterward was never a possibility because I have only unloaded on strangers in public places. I do think we are building to a telephonic version of road rage, as a lot of us are getting fed up hearing people blather on about nothing in public places. Perhaps this is why they say talk is cheap: because supply exceeds demand. I know it would be hard to apologize for something you felt was justified, so perhaps apologize for yelling? — Margo, sensitively
She is Trying To Tell Him Something
Dear Margo: I can’t figure out what to do for my wife. I work a full-time job, take care of the kids in the evening during playtime, read stories to them and put them to bed. I buy groceries, clean and do laundry, etc. In other words, I’m doing all I can to be a helpful and supportive husband, and yet my wife often goes through extreme mood swings: Some days she’s very friendly and cheerful; others, she’s cold, remote and unappreciative of the efforts I make. She’ll spend hours on the phone with her siblings (a bunch of drunks out of state) and can be friendly to them, but for her own family, it’s just a cold shoulder. I love my wife, but I’m not sure what to do in this situation. Would you offer some advice? — Mystified in Texas
Dear Myst: Until you got to the part about the hours-long phone calls to the drunks — I mean siblings — I would have said this sounds like a borderline personality: friendly and cheerful, then frosty and remote. If, however, there’s the cold shoulder to the family at the same time there is friendliness to the sibs, something else is at work. It’s hard to imagine the children are too much for her, since you are doing a lot of the things a mother ordinarily does. Because you are also doing a good bit of her housework, it is hard to believe she’s overwhelmed with that aspect of family life.
I suggest you tell her you are doing everything you can to lighten her load and are dissatisfied with your interaction as a couple. Tell her you want to find out what’s wrong. If she cannot enlighten you after the invitation to hash it out, then tell her the two of you must see a marriage counselor — or else — because you choose not to live with her frequent chilliness. With professional help, you may learn what is going on with her, or you may learn that she is acting out a desire to get away from everybody. Good luck. — Margo, exploratively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
