Dear Amy: I am a freshman in high school and somehow managed to avoid most high school drama until now.
I’ve been dating a boy for about a week, and he’s extremely shy. I can tell he’s really stretching his comfort zone when he talks to me, or when we walk in the hallway. However, on a recent morning he asked me to do something that makes me feel crooked inside.
He asked me to walk outside with him, and a red flag went up for me. After talking a little bit, he asked me to reveal a physical part of me — a private part on the upper half of my body that I would have to discard garments to reveal. I didn’t want to do that.
I told myself that I’d refrain from putting a guy above my morals, so I declined, and we both went to class.
I’m actually kind of scared now, though, because I’m not sure what he expects of me.
I know school society is getting pretty sexual now, but I’m not afraid of being different. I told myself I won’t comply with this trend, but now I’m not sure how to tell the boy.
I’ve asked a few friends for advice, but so far no response. Any advice on the boy issue? Should I talk to my parents? — Shirt Still On
Dear Shirt On: First of all, you’re smart. You listened to the most important voice in your young life — your own. You paid attention to that “crooked” feeling you had when you needed to make an important choice. Good for you! You have already told your boyfriend that you don’t want to do what he wanted you to do. He may ask you to do something else that makes you uncomfortable, or he may tell his buds that you did it anyway.
This is the minefield of a typical teen’s emerging life. You can respond by saying, “That makes me uncomfortable, and I hope you won’t pressure me.” You also have to understand that when someone really likes you, he will want you to be comfortable and happy. Right now, you’re not.
You know yourself. You should watch him carefully to see if he is worthy of your time. He might not be.
If you continue to feel overwhelmed or have questions, by all means talk to your parents.
Dear Amy: Recently, I bumped into a friend in a grocery store. It was late in the day and it had been quite some time since I looked in the mirror.
My friend suddenly said, “Be still.” She reached up with her finger and thumb and removed matter from the inner corner from both of my eyes. She then got a tissue and wiped the matter on the tissue.
I was appalled, but she has been a friend for a long time so I said nothing. I just stood there, somewhat in shock. What should I have done? — In Shock
Dear In shock: I hope we can all agree that eye gunk should not be shared. I realize there are times a person can become paralyzed by someone else’s moxie, but in my mind nothing beats an honest reaction — the kind that flies out before you have time to edit. Something on the order of, “My goodness, Myrna, whatever on earth do you think you’re doing? Please remove your digits from my tear ducts.”
Dear Amy: I wanted to weigh in on a letter you received from “Initially Challenged,” who presents herself ambiguously to others in e-mails to hide that she is female.
I find it disheartening that a woman obviously as well-educated, well-spoken and dedicated to her beliefs as she is still believes that her sex may act as a hindrance in today’s society.
“Challenged” wanted to broaden this person’s horizons, but any guy worthy of that effort would listen to her point of view regardless of her gender.
I hope she puts some of that good sense into softening her own stance on male/female relations in modern-day America. — Equality
Dear Equality: I agree with you that no one should feel she has to hide her gender to be taken seriously. However, though your vision of modern-day America is a pretty one, the reality is more nuanced.
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