Dear Amy: My best friend of almost 17 years has a bad temper.
Some days she will be all dandy and happy, but other days she is a completely different person. Lately she has been acting even worse when we are alone, but she seems to treat others better. This annoys me to no end, and it has come to the point that I avoid her because I never know what mood she will be in.
I’ve begun to wonder if she acts out only with me because she doesn’t feel the need to continue the relationship, or if because we’ve known each other for so long she feels comfortable to show her true colors.
I feel as if I am the only one contributing to the friendship. She tends to degrade me, I think, to make herself feel better, while I try to encourage her and make her feel better about herself with kind gestures.
This friendship has worn me down. Should I keep trying to fix it or let her go her own way? — Friend Indeed
Dear Friend: Like the phases of the moon, friendships — most relationships, really — wax and wane. Sometimes they burn brightly, illuminating the world. And sometimes they burn out. You are reluctant to give up on this long-term friendship, and that speaks well of you. You are also tolerating an escalating level of abuse and degradation.
Your friend might be bipolar, hormonal or just plain moody or mean. The best you can do is inject some clarity into your murky and disintegrating relationship by telling her, “I feel as if I’m the only one contributing to our friendship. Your worst moods seem reserved for me, so what’s up with that?”
If you have a simple and honest conversation — not confrontation — your friend’s reaction will tell you what to do next.
Dear Amy: I am a high school sophomore.
My neighbors from across the street have a child who just turned 8. He comes to my house every weekend, wondering if I can come out and play. Sometimes I humor him and play with him. Other times, I answer the door and tell him I’m busy (I usually am). However, it seems as if each time I make these excuses, his parents become more and more disenchanted with me.
Recently, I tried not answering the door at all. He stood at the door and rang the doorbell more than 100 times over a period of 20 minutes! This drove my dog crazy, and it will probably break my doorbell soon.
How do I end his obsession without making him or his parents angry? — Annoyed in CharlotteDear Annoyed: You should tell your neighbor boy that he must not repeatedly ring the doorbell. After he rings the bell, he should count to 30, and if no one comes to the door he should head home.
However, you would make this little boy’s day by offering to do something regularly with him. Perhaps you could make a “standing appointment” to play catch in the yard Saturday mornings. That way, if he comes over at other times you can say, “I thought we were going to play Saturdays. Is it Saturday? Not yet — so let’s wait until then.” You should let his parents know your arrangement. If their son is wandering around ringing doorbells, it presents a safety concern they should address.
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