Dear Amy: Years ago, I introduced two friends — let’s call them Male Friend and Female Friend. They ended up dating for a year.
I remained friends with both after they went their separate ways. Now we are all married, with kids, houses, etc.
I see Male Friend and Female Friend only a couple of times a year because we all live in different states.
Over the years, Male Friend has made comments leading me to believe that he views Female Friend as “the one who got away.” First of all, I think Male Friend has his rose-colored glasses on too tight, but Female Friend would change herself like a chameleon to fit many different relationships, including that one. So what do I say to Male Friend? Do I say, “Be glad she got away — you didn’t know her as well as you thought”? So far, I’ve redirected and ignored his comments, but I guess I’m bothered that he, perhaps, isn’t appreciating what he has. — Waiting for Wisdom
Dear Waiting: You can start by asking a question: “Are you happy?” After you hear his answer, then you can give your friend your views on the motivations and romantic longings of middle-age people, including commenting on his choices.
This sort of intrigue is fairly common in middle age, and we cope with and process our feelings best by taking off our rose-colored glasses and talking.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of four years and I broke up last month. We started dating in college, and two years ago we finally ended up in the same town. We had been discussing marriage for the last six months of the relationship. He brought it up on every occasion.
The problem is that we still live together and have a lease for the next six months. He informed me two days ago that he is staying with his new girlfriend at night.
I still have to see him on an almost daily basis because we are living together and sharing the responsibilities of two dogs. I consider myself a strong person, but this is affecting every part of my life.
Unfortunately, he has refused to break the lease and will not cooperate on any arrangement other than us living together through the remainder of our lease. — Struggling
Dear Struggling: You should do whatever is necessary to avoid him. Work out a timetable for taking care of your dogs. If your ex won’t move (and it sounds as if he won’t), you should see what you can do to find other housing. You might be able to find a short-term sub-letter through to take over your half of the lease.
Review your lease, and check with your landlord to make sure this is allowable — but your ex lost his right to weigh in on your living choices when he left.
Dear Amy: Kudos to you for giving great advice to “Ben,” the elderly gentleman who struck up a relationship within six months of his wife’s passing instead of waiting the traditional one year.
My mom has been the sole caregiver for my dad for many years. If she started a relationship one month after his passing I would be thrilled! People need to lighten up and mind their own business! — A Caring Daughter
Dear Daughter: People do need to lighten up, especially when it comes to dating protocol for elderly people.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
