Dear Amy: I am a 17-year-old high school senior girl, and the song “Teardrops on My Guitar” is basically the story of my life.
My best friend, “Jeremy,” has been dating a girl for two months and says he’s really in love this time. Jeremy and I have been friends forever, and I have been his confidante throughout this and almost every other relationship he’s been through. The girl he is dating is great, and he seems happy.
The only problem is that I think I’m in love with him. I don’t want to say anything about it to him because he’s in a great relationship, and I don’t want to ruin our amazing friendship. I also don’t think he feels the same way about me.
I’ve been struggling with this for months, and I have been hiding my feelings for the past two years. Now I’m worried that with graduation approaching, he will never know how I feel. We are going to colleges in different parts of the country, so we don’t have much time together.
I know that the truth is always the best way to go, but there is a lot at stake for me. What should I do? — Tear-stained Teen
Dear Teen: I’ve received a few letters from girls who identify with the popular song. I agree with you that honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships, but before being honest, you are going to have to dial down the drama and adjust your expectations accordingly.
It’s OK to say, “You know, Jeremy, I can tell you’re happy now, but I think you should know that I’ve had a crush on you. Anyway, I also want to say that I’m really glad we are friends.” He can pick up on your crush statement, ignore it or save it for 25 years from now, when he will no doubt bring it up at your high school reunion.
After you say what you need to say, focus on your friendship. Opposite-sex friendships are worth their weight in teardrops.
Dear Amy: I worked with a woman for about two years. We talked about everything. Both of us had spouses who cheated on us. She moved, and I got divorced three years later. She found out and called me up out of the blue. She told me when we started talking that she was getting a divorce, so we started to hang out. We took our kids to the park, had each other over to our houses and, yes, we even made love.
I just found out that she does not plan to get a divorce. She has become my best friend, and I want to be with her all the time.
Now I don’t know what to do. She is all I think about. — Depressed Dad
Dear Depressed: Your girlfriend is a liar and a cheat. Doesn’t that make her a little less attractive to you? You were vulnerable, she knew it, and she is using you. You may be completely besotted with her, but she is not your best friend. Best friends don’t manipulate and romantically scam each other. They don’t involve children in their entanglements. You need to get angry over this. After you do, don’t call her, don’t take her calls and don’t see her.
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