Dear Amy: Four years ago, my parents retired in their mid-50s.
Before they retired, they were my best friends. Since they retired, they have become stick-in-the-mud, bossy worrywarts.
They watch the Weather Channel all day and refuse to leave the house if there is a dark cloud in the sky. They get mad at my 27-year- old brother, who lives near them, if he travels at all in weather they consider “bad.” I live several states away, so they hector me about my finances.
They are constantly criticizing my husband and me if we spend money on anything, despite the fact that we are doing just fine. They are well off, so I don’t understand this money obsession.
Recently, I told them that I was planning to go to graduate school, which I am paying for myself. They got really upset with me because in their minds graduate school is too expensive (they each have a master’s degree).
Before they retired, they were pretty outgoing and easy to get along with. Now, I can hardly stand to talk to them on the phone because they are fussing about money.
Any advice on how to deal with them and how to help them? — Going Nuts in Denver
Dear Going Nuts: I’m not sure what strange attraction the Weather Channel holds for retired people, but I have noticed that older people do tend to track with fascination weather systems as they move across the country.
You and your brother should make sure your parents are healthy. Some of this excessive worrying and fussing might be a symptom of a physical, mental, financial or other problem. You should visit your folks to discern if there is any underlying issue. If they are otherwise healthy, your parents could be bored to tears. If there are private topics in your life your folks can’t handle, then avoid these topics.
You should also tell them that you are worried because they have changed. Encourage your parents to get involved in their community, and give them some ideas of activities they would enjoy. If they don’t know about elder hostel programs, they should. Check .
Dear Amy: How much recovery time does a younger widow need before she is ready to date? A few months ago, a co-worker of several years lost her husband unexpectedly.
While talking to her about the tragedy, I realized I am deeply in love with her. She represents everything I have been searching for in a relationship.
I sense she also has feelings for me, though probably not at the same intense level. My problem is that I don’t know when or if I should approach her with my romantic intentions. If she is not ready for a new relationship, my actions could break her heart all over again, and I might lose her forever. — Paralyzed by Love
Dear Paralyzed: There is no strict protocol for when grieving people are ready or available to date, but do yourself and your friend a favor and don’t make any sudden moves.
Your admission to being deeply in love with someone you haven’t yet dated is a red flag. At the very least, you should turn the heat way down. You may have a crush or an attraction, but you should shelve the “love” talk.
You should be reserved and respectful with your friend. Don’t push for anything more than coffee and conversation. If she is ready to date, she’ll find a way to let you know.
Dear Amy: This is for those relatives who bring their dogs everywhere. I’d like to say that we love you. We do not love your dogs. I do not want your dog at my house for any reason.
Yes, it’s a great dog, beautiful, well-behaved, blah, blah, blah. Leave it home. If I wanted a dog at my house, I would get one. People, stop treating your dogs as if they are welcome everywhere. They aren’t! We want to see you, not your dog.
Am I the only one in this situation? What’s wrong with these people? — Animal Lover, Chicago
Dear Animal Lover: “These people” consider their pets to be members of the family and sometimes prefer their canine friends to actual family members.
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