Dear Amy: I am a teacher at a public middle school. The teachers must practice good grooming and wear clothing that looks professional, but there is one young teacher who, although her clothing looks professional, does not shave her armpits. This is something I really shouldn’t know, but I do because she sometimes wears sleeveless tops.
Once, when she and I and another teacher were having a conversation, she raised her arms twice to gather her long hair into a ponytail, revealing her hairy pits. It felt almost as if she were flaunting them.
How should I handle this? Should I speak to the principal or assistant principal? Should I send her an anonymous but politely worded note? Or should I just deal? — C
Dear C: Your school may have a dress code policy that prohibits sleeveless tops (many do); if it does, then you could say, “Tina, I wonder if you’re aware of the dress code — we have to wear tops with sleeves, just like the kids.” Don’t send an anonymous note or tattle on this teacher. That’s so “middle school.”
Dear Amy: I have a 2-year-old son, and his father hasn’t been around since before he was born. As a result, I decided to keep strict standards when I started dating again.
About six months ago, I met and fell in love with a truly wonderful, kindhearted man. He loves my son and me and he wants the relationship to get serious.
I believe he is perfect for me, but there’s a big red flag. My boyfriend has serious credit- card debt. He had to take a significant pay cut at work or risk losing his job entirely, and so he lived off his credit cards for a while. Financially, he’s a mess.
I want to be with someone who is financially secure. He’s working on getting out of the debt and talking to a credit counselor, but is this a deal breaker? — Sheilah
Dear Sheilah: You are wise to see your guy’s credit problems as a serious matter. However, it might not be a deal breaker.
A lot of people got themselves into credit-card trouble over the various economic booms and downturns over the last 10 years (myself included). It can take years to dig out of even modest debt, but if your guy is seeking help, making positive changes and has become financially responsible, then you could step cautiously into the future together.
Unfortunately, consumer debt is tricky because it is extremely easy to backslide. If you and your guy are going to stay together, you must also work together to become and stay out of debt. You need to make sure your financial philosophies and habits are a match.
Dear Amy: You recently encouraged people to write down their family stories.
My own large family asked me to write the history of our family and to include recipes that my grandmothers had made, as well as my own and those of my mother. This includes recipes we loved, as well as ones that we hated as kids, such as the “white aspic” we always buried in the backyard without my grandmother’s knowledge. My father, who caught us digging, said he wished he had done it instead of having to eat it.
I’m writing the history, with each chapter heading being the address where we lived during that time. Pictures are included in case anyone wants to visit the former home.
I have discovered that the more I write, the more I remember of my 65 years on this beautiful blue planet. — Alice of Bethesda
Dear Alice: And now we all know the white aspic story. Thank you!
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