I don’t know if it was the cocktails or what but the topic of discussion was the upcoming presidential election. Well, it turned into a shouting match — definitely not a civilized debate — all the way through dinner.
I suggested that we change the subject to more neutral topics, such as movies or history, but they would have none of it.
I didn’t say that I was horribly upset or that they ruined the tone of my dinner. What could I have done to turn things around? I no longer feel like hosting my friends for dinner. Do I need to wait until it’s not an election year to entertain these people again? Am I overreacting? — Puzzled by Politics
Dear Puzzled: Without question, this is a “special time” in our country’s history.
In the future, if things get out of hand and alternative topics of discussion are shouted down, you can be more proactive by giving your guests jobs, thus throwing them off topic. (This also works with toddlers, by the way.) You pick the most vocal person, put your hand on his or her shoulder and say, “Sorry to interrupt, but I need your help in the kitchen to get the coffee going.” While in the kitchen, you can ask your friend to dial down the tone and volume of discourse.
Sometimes, despite a host’s best efforts, evenings turn into runaway trains. This doesn’t mean that the event is ruined, necessarily, but memorable.
Dear Amy: I am graduating this summer, and my family is having a party. We intended to invite the whole family, including aunts, uncles and cousins. Unfortunately, there is a divide in the family over a family member who had an affair. We worry that if she is invited, she will attend the party and bring the person with whom she cheated.
Should we invite her? If we don’t, she will feel as if she is being excluded from the family, but if we do, some family members will be offended. We are wondering if this party is worth it. — Family Drama
Dear Drama: Don’t cancel your party over this. If you did so, you would be punishing the wrong person.
You should invite this family member, but ask her to come alone. These events, stressful as they are, can also be occasions for family reconciliation, or at least the beginnings of a thaw.
If your cheating family member has to face some awkwardness at this party, that’s her problem and she’s going to have to deal with it. Facing the disapproval of family and friends is one consequence of making the choice to cheat.
Dear Amy: I am responding to the letters in your column about dating protocol for older people who lose a spouse. Twenty years ago, my father died from cancer; five months later, my 35-year-old husband suddenly passed away.
I was saddened to see people applying a different standard to my mother and me.
Loneliness has no age or time limit. Dating again shows no disrespect. Yes, it was challenging for my siblings to see Mom spending time with a new gentleman, but the companionship with a peer warmed her life.
My relationship with a friend deepened into a romance after five years, and we are still happily together. — Mary
Dear Mary: I completely agree, and I am happy that you and your mother found happiness and companionship after your losses.
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