Dear Amy: I’m a newly engaged woman who will be married in a little more than six months.
I have yet to “let the cat out the bag” to my family.
I want much of my planning done before family members start to run wild with the idea.
I have a cousin who for years has talked about how she would be a bridesmaid for me when I get married. She has it all planned out. She says she is going to walk down the aisle and help to plan the event.
For various reasons I only want my two closest friends to be my bridesmaids.
I just don’t feel I can trust my cousin enough to have her stand up with me. Once she finds out she’s not in the wedding, I don’t think she will show up.
How do I break the news to her? Also, how do I explain my decision to family members? — Bride With a Dilemma
Dear Bride: You can tell people that you aren’t having any family members as attendants and that you have chosen your two friends to stand up with you.
If your cousin expresses hurt or surprise, you can say: “I know you were interested in being a bridesmaid, but I’ve made my decision and I’m sorry if it upsets you — I hope you’ll be with us on the day.” If she chooses to skip the wedding because of this, then she is illustrating all of the reasons you were nervous about choosing her in the first place.
Dear Amy: I am writing regarding “Auntie to Five,” who set up a college fund for the husband’s niece/nephew because his sister is a single mom. They had not provided for other nieces/nephews.
A similar thing happened in our family. My in-laws put my husband’s niece through a private college.
It is true that my brother and sister-in-law could never have afforded this, and we love our niece and are glad that she had this opportunity, but I have to admit that it also hurts that the in-laws didn’t contribute a dime to our own daughter’s college education.
True, we could afford it. But if the in-laws ever need financial assistance, we will be the ones to come through.
Maybe this couple could create a “pool” of money that any of the nieces/nephews could draw on as needed. — Another View
Dear Another: I like the idea of creating a “pool” of money to draw upon, though administering it could also create problems.
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