Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I had been talking about the possibility of having children someday. I want them. He said he didn’t want kids.
Well, he decided that he would give me a child if I lost weight.
Because of my medical history, I agreed that I should lose weight before becoming pregnant. Then last night he told me the real reason we should not have kids is because of me. He said I don’t drive safely, and he pointed out that I don’t cook for him every morning and at night after work.
He says I don’t take care of him (meaning I don’t wait on him hand and foot). He says I wouldn’t be a good mother because of this.
I’m not the best cook and work a full-time job, so I’m tired when I get home, but I do clean my house every day, do our laundry, the dishes and yardwork. I also take care of my animals.
Can you tell me what makes a perfect mother? — Wannabe Mom
Dear Wannabe: There is no such thing as a perfect mother. However, there is such a thing as a “good enough” mother. Every choice you make now will contribute to your ability to be a good mother.
The first huge decision a prospective mother must make, however, is in her choice of partner, and this is where you fail the first parenting test.
The odds are stacked against you and your future children if you choose to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be a father and doesn’t respect you enough to support your desire to be a mother.
Having a child with this man would be a grave mistake. Furthermore, being with him at all sounds like a fate far worse than being alone.
Dear Amy: We are planning to move from our large home to an apartment. Do you have any suggestions how to downsize and divide household items among the six children so that all feel fairly treated? — Marion
Dear Marion: I will happily share with you how our family has done this; this method worked very well for us because my siblings and I get along well, aren’t overly attached to any one material possession and are motivated to keep heirlooms in the family.
First you gather all of the possessions you wish to distribute.
Each of the six siblings then chooses one thing they all agree is of basically the same sentimental or material value — for instance, a set of china might be comparable to a favorite chair, a painting, a rug, etc. The siblings must agree they would be basically happy no matter which of the six pooled possessions they ended up with.
You assign numbers 1 through 6 to the six objects.
You write down the numbers 1 through 6 on pieces of paper, which you place in Granddad’s old top hat.
Each sibling closes his or her eyes, reaches into the hat in turn (rotate who goes first each time), draws out a number, and subsequently “owns” the corresponding possession. After the drawing, if siblings want to trade, that’s fine, but only if both agree.
Dear Amy: My grandparents were married for 73 years. When asked what was the secret to their happy marriage, my grandmother replied without hesitation: “We’re both in love with the same man.” — D’Lane in Dallas
Dear D’lane: That is absolutely priceless.
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