Dear Amy: I am a 21-year-old woman in a relationship with a man who is 16 years my senior.
In the beginning of this relationship, it was fine. Now I find that he is really mean to me 94 percent of the time. He calls me names, talks down to me and condemns the way I look.
It seems that nothing makes this man happy, and I am at my wits’ end.
In the two years that we have been together, we have gone nowhere together. He refused to acknowledge my birthday and Valentine’s Day.
He constantly tells me that I am a loser and that I will never amount to anything. He does not allow me to go out and have fun, and any money that comes into our household goes to him.
He also believes that I should keep quiet and take whatever he dishes out. I am not entitled to an opinion. I have heard him say sexual things to other women, including his wife. I had no idea she even existed (he is now divorced) or that he has three children.
I have asked him to please try to be caring, sensitive and loving, and to stop lying to me, but he refuses to do so.
In spite of these things, I really love him and plan to marry him, but I’m not sure. —Stupid Love
Dear Love: This isn’t love. This is abuse. This man displays all of the classic signs of an abuser, and if you stay with him, his behavior will worsen. You must leave this relationship.
Think of all of the things you want in a relationship — honesty, caring and sensitivity — and realize this man will give you none of these things. Furthermore, he sounds frightening.
Nothing you say will change the way this man treats you. You need to protect yourself.
I hope that you have friends, family or colleagues whom you can turn to for support. If you have any further questions about what to do, you should call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233). The website is . A counselor will help you take the steps necessary to get out.
Dear Amy: We recently had two couples and their children over for dinner. One guest was asked to bring a dessert, and the other beverages. As host, I provided the entire meal.
After the meal, there was a lot of dessert and beverages left over.
At the end of the evening, without a word to either my husband or me, our friends took home what they had brought.
It seemed to be in bad taste because this was their contribution to the meal, and they took it without even offering us a share of it.
It’s not that I wanted either item. If they had offered, I would have told them to please take the leftovers.
When I have brought dishes or drinks to someone’s home, I would never dream of picking up the leftovers and taking them home with me.
Am I right to think this is rude? How should I handle these greedy friends the next time we get together? — Leave Your Food Behind!
Dear Behind: The polite thing is to offer the host a portion of whatever dish you’ve brought to a potluck, but I don’t think this rises to the level of rudeness and greed. It’s more of a lapse to which you are overreacting.
Your guests might not have attended many dinners where they were expected to bring part of the meal, and so they chose to relieve you of the burden of leftovers.
Dear Amy: I’m writing in response to “Rose,” the grandmother who wanted to secretly take her grandsons to cut their Beatles- style hair. My mother-in-law also hates the similar hairstyle that my son has decided to keep. If she were to take him to the hairdresser behind my back, it would cause a big rift between us.
I am not particularly crazy about the cut either, but it is a battle not worth fighting. My son is a straight-A student, respectful and stays out of trouble. He has control over very few things in life — why not let his hair be one of them? As for what other people think, it’s their problem, not mine. — Proud Mom
Dear Proud: It is a truth universally acknowledged that parents and grandparents almost never appreciate their boys’ haircuts.
I agree about picking battles.
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