Dear Amy: This is concerning our “friends” “Bob” and “Alice.”
We used to be a happy foursome. Then we invited them to join our church.
Bob and Alice are more outgoing people than we are. We introduced Bob and Alice around when we brought them to church, and they joined several of the groups we have been in for many years, so that means we still see them several times a week.
They have since made new friends at the church and have gotten involved in leadership committees.
Bob and Alice seem to have changed. Now their attitude toward us is to ignore us. This is very upsetting and hurtful.
We can’t help feeling we have been used. How do we get past this without leaving our church? —Jane and Dick
Dear Jane and Dick: Although “Bob” and “Alice’s” attitude and behavior toward you is inexcusable, they shouldn’t be blamed for being extroverted joiners.
It seems that you and these friends are well along in the process of becoming former friends, and while that is a shame, the only unfortunate consequence of having close friendships is how much it hurts when they change.
Don’t leave your church because of this. Your church is a community, and whenever communities form, members are forced to face the challenge of getting along. Bob and Alice may not have embraced this important concept, but you can take lessons you learn at church and turn the other cheek by being tolerant and understanding.
Dear Amy: I just got married in December. My mother-in-law, “Alice,” is very controlling. She has told my husband that I would not be invited to certain family events.
I had my first child two years ago, and my mother-in- law kept insisting that I name the baby after her husband, “Charlie.” I did give this name to our son as a middle name.
Well, I am pregnant again, and she is pushing me again to name this baby Charlie. She said they were insulted that our son got that name as a middle name.
My mother-in-law never comes to visit my 2-year-old, and basically acts as if he is a second-class citizen.
Do you think I should name this baby “Charlie” to make her happy? I am an outcast in the family anyway, so I don’t see why I should do it. —Pregnant in Michigan
Dear Pregnant: You have nothing to lose by standing your ground. If you gave in and named your second child “Charlie,” your mother-in-law would find something else to be unhappy about.
“Alice” sounds like a terror. You and especially your husband should maintain a firm stance that you are a family and that you alone will make decisions about your children. Don’t give in to her demands.
If you do, her demands will only escalate.
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